A Useless (Yet Plentifully Sexy) Day

For some reason unknown to man our school district has decided not to give us two damn days off before Christmas eve which leaves us with a two day school week. Now, this may not be all that bad for the mindless drooling slobs that have no lives that go to my school (just picture every single other person aside from my friends) since they have nothing better to do with themselves then sit on their asses in school.

Not that I am saying school is bad, its just that there is no way in hell we are going to accomplish any constructive learning in these two days, the teachers don't even care enough to teach because its basically Christmas. Well, there is something sexy in this gigantic pile of poop situation that I am in; at least I get to brighten up my friends lives with fabulousness and gossip for an extra few days before the brake. Ahh gossiping is just so delicious, I can basically taste it on my tongue like a piece of thick rich chocolate.

So anyway, I socialized throughout most of my classes and free time of course since we didnt get any work. I mainly just harped on the fact that FRICKEN CHRISTMAS IS COMING, holy shit god it is going to be like one big orgasm (with thongs!!!!!!!). Tomorrow is going to be a great big sexy day since I get to deliver numerous gifts to a select few friends that I won't be seeing over the break. I am particularly excited to give Karen her kinky little thong since I know she will be the most enthusiastically horny over the whole ordeal.

Speaking of Karen, I noticed that she dressed quite well today (she usually doesnt dress badly, but her clothes just dont speak to me the way they should if they are extra sexy and delicately hand picked). Anyway, her boobs looked quite good and I was really ready to just blurt it out at the lunch table but the last time I did that she looked at me like I had a turd on my forehead. I dont know what I am going to do with Karen, she just doesnt know how to react to compliments from a man (which is no doubt a result of the fact that she never gets any). I really need to break her in (and no, not in the way that you are probably thinking, although in most other cases it would be what you are thinking) because she just needs to learn how to respond to sexy comments and tastes.

I still have to worry about wraping all these damn thongs. I gave Charlotte and Susan the big sexy bags since they got the most by far, and everyone else is just a toss up ugh, I dont like wrapping and I always forget that when I go on shopping sprees. All I think is "OMG look at all of these sexy thongs, I MUST HAVE THEM ALL!!!!!!" and then I buy all of them and think oh shit I cant just walk in the room swinging them around my head to give them to people. (although I wouldnt put it past myself to do something of that nature, because I TOTALLY would, and now that I think of it, I just might).

I just have to think of the perfect way to enter Mrs Sweetcheeks' house so that I can shock her with the perfect emotional mixture of splendor and discontent. It is really vital that I be very cautious because her x might be there and I dont want to prance in brandishing frilly thongs around him because hes a little old and might melt with horror or something. She can say what she likes but I know that Mrs Sweetcheeks is absolutely in LOVE with the idea of me hand selecting extra kinky underwear for Susan and Charlotte because who the hell could be better at doing that?

The day was pretty much as fabulous as a short day of school can get, but of course god or somebody didnt want me to be too happy, so as I was on my way out of the school, I saw Charlotte and Jeffery standing and talking to eachother as they stared into each others eyes as if they were both big thick pieces of ham that the other person wanted to feast upon. I wanted to go up and slap Jeffery's smile right off of his face, now that would have been a satisfying day, but for the sake of Charlotte, I refrained. GOD it made me SICK. But anyway, no day is perfect.

Oh Susan; You Naughty, Naughty Little Girl

As far as me and Susan go; despite the fact that she may like to think she is the less kinky one of the two of us, she is slightly mistaken. I know kinkiness when I see it, and Susan has tons of it smudged abundantly all over her face. This definitely isn't obvious to everyone else, but whenever I notice something that everyone else disagrees with, I am essentially always the right one.

Ok, so it might be true that Susan may have physically 'done' less kinky things than I have, but that does not mean that we can simply overlook her potential to commit kinky little deeds that I know she craves like strawberry cheesecake. One of the reasons that I know how truly kinky she is is because she is constantly accusing me of being a whore (which she assumes that I know is an exaggeration, and I do, but she still wants to get the point across that I am sluttier than she is). Which only shows her inner insecurity about how I have revealed my knowledge of her kinkiness.

Lets look at it this way because I have come up with a stunning analogy; think of a big chunky fat person that just walks around looking all chunky and stuff; it is pretty obvious to everyone that that person gorges themselves with food, right? Now think of a thin person, (I happen to be thinking of Jeffery because he is just basically a bony twig, but any thin person will do). No one would ever know if that thin person stuffed their face with food every night when they went home because they just happen to not have the big fat person gene. Me and Susan are EXACTLY the same, just replace the fat person with me and the thin person with Susan. Susan is just secretly kinky, and make no mistake my friends, there is no difference between secretive and open kinkiness because all they both come down to is KINKAY.

Please do not let that make anyone think that I am a big jiggly fat person and Susan is really skinny, it was only for the purpose of comparison. Ahh Susan, dont worry, your dirty little secret is safe with me. In fact, I take pride in my cunning and sexy capability of being able to read you like a book and you will always love me regardless. Oh Susan, you ferocious little sexwolf.

Catch 22?

I really don't know what to think and, quite frankly, that is shocking since I am ALWAYS decisive and prompt in my decisions. Jeffery is just such an obnoxious and exciting topic at the same time that it incapacitates my ability to sort out the two emotions and choose the dominant one.

Of course, we have been down this path many, many times before but I just can't seem to stress it enough to satisfy my ongoing discontent. First of all, lets cover how damn excited I get whenever Charlotte mentions getting kinky with Jeffery. I just get so overwhelmed with anticipation and sexiness that I get all excited for her because its as if Jeffery doesn't even exist; it is just the concept of Charlotte exploring her sexual instincts that is just fun to discuss. So I basically forget all about Jeffery and begin pouring my sexy ideas out all over Charlotte and help her plot her next move (let's just say i'm the best type of person to talk to about that sort of stuff in the whole freaking world because of my unparalleled expertise).

On the other hand, the second I see the bastard (Jeffery), my stomach turns over and I feel like vomiting. Just seeing him and Charlotte fills me with envy and an animalistic craving to destroy him. I'm just overprotective and there is no way anyone is going to stop me from feeling that way.

The real problem is, how do I balance the two emotions? Maybe if she could just be dating someone that I approve of (which is basically impossible because, in my opinion and probably the rest of the world for that matter, I am just the best person for Charlotte to be around. Or perhaps I could just deal with it (which is two demanding because I am not going to contain my fabulousness so that Charlotte can spend her time absorbing some social turd of a boyfriend). I don't know, I suppose I'll have to avoid seeing them together because other than that I get really excited for her. I have already established that some people get pissed at me when I speak illy of Jeffery. It is just too often that the two emotions clash, although, Charlotte seems to understand my emotional conflictions somewhat and therefore trys to ignore me when I insult Jeffery McTurdface. Thank god Charlotte understands me though, I mean, this is what I am always getting at when I describe how perfect me and Charlotte are together. Two fabulous people just understand one another and thats all that a sexy relationship comes down to. THANK GOD me and Charlotte are just the best.

Alright, I will try to make this the last post I leave on this topic. It just overwhelms me all the time and I find myself regurgitating it all the time. Particularly when I am really bored and decide to take time to reflect on the things that irritate me in my life (and believe me, there is NEVER a shortage of things that irritate me, because when you are perfect and everything else isnt, it just gets tiring doing all the criticizing) So tata for now.

The one and only pile of sexiness,

-Mr Bitch

Sexiness Summed up

Ok so its been a while since ive been inspired to write about my orgasmic life, (I can't be blamed, Ive been pooping my pants for the past month waiting for college admission stuff, well, not literally, that would be nasty, plus we all know im to good to partake in such foul activities.) So now comes the short, sweet and utterly drool worthy orgasmic sum up of my life for the past month.

So lets see, Trish isn't as hoplessly classless as I was prepared to think she was. Of course, I wouldnt have been friends of her if there wasnt at least a bulk of classiness left within her somewhere. So anyway, she has proved to me that she can rehabilitate her classiness since I went shopping with her on black friday which was just so simply orgasmic that I cant even begin to convey how orgasmic it was because I will just start orgasming while I try to do it.

CHRISTMAS!!!!! I fricken love christmas, I get to buy so many sexy things and get so many sexy things that it is just like one big pile of sexy that you can't not love. I was listening to chrismas music back in October much to Susan's dismay but whatever, she just doesnt know how to get into the holiday spirit a little early. I bought LOTS of thongs and I am dividing them up according to the strength of my friendship with all of my classy friends. Susan and Charlotte get the most, (and they are EXTRA kinky looking this year) then comes Trish who got the more expensive but a little bit more whorey thong, after that is Gretchen who gets the whoreiest thong on the planet since she has gotten extra frisky with her boyfriend (who I know accept as an affiliate of mine since he passed the test of at least acting as though he can meet my standards when in my presence). Then comes Karen, who gets a somewhat innocent thong (keep in mind that when I say innocent it means ultra kinky by any common person's standards) and it matches one that Susan is going to get!!! OH I am so clever i dont know what to do with myself sometimes....Oh and, by the way, its just a given that Ms. Bitch gets her own thong, which I carefully hand selected to balance class and kinkyness.

Now that ive gotten at least some of the Christmasgasm out of me, lets move on to Gretchen whom has partaken in some VERY serious sexual relations lately. I dont really know how to respond to her rapid uptake of sexual kinkiness. I'm not one to critisize, actually I am because I can always find a way to argue that Im better, except for with Charlotte since we are both eachothers other half. But anyway its not like ive never been kinky so I dont want to step in and tell her to back off but she has gotten a little crazy lately. She should at least keep it the hell under control in public, no one wants to see people cupping eachothers saggy asses in public god ugh that just pisses me off.

As far as Charlottes lover goes, well lets just say I dont loathe the douche bag as much as I used to but he still acts like a social turd whenever I try and talk to him. I think its because Charlotte has told him about me and whenever he sees me he is thinking "omg there he is, the one and only epitome of shimmering class, I dont know what to say because im just feeling so unworthy so i'll just say nothing" So i guess ive cooled of quite a bit, but I still think that i am just way above his level and that Charlotte could do astronomically better than him, but if she's happy then so am I. Personally I just fume every damn time she starts talking about how wonderful he is because I am the man in her life and I am not willing to make room for others to take a piece of my Charlotte cake. But I would never like want them to break up because I would NEVER do anything to hurt Charlotte, her happiness is everything.

Mrs Sweetcheeks generally doesnt approve of my thong purchasing extravoganza, but thats ok because I know the only reason that she is telling me that she doesnt approve is because she is an adult and she is obligated to do so even though she is really thinking "oh my god, he is just the best person ever and i love him and everything he does and buys" We will see how she reacts when i stroll into the house with hefty bags filled to the brim with sexy thongs on christmas, I'm guessing she'll just give in and tell me how much she loves me.

So that is essentially a briefing of what has happened most recently, I will have more soon because once I get back to posting on a regular basis I will be able to indulge in all of the extra sexy details of my life which are just so good that they are like chocolate for your eyes.

I don't Know Which One I Loathe More

Charlotte's and Gretchen's boyfriends piss the hell out of me (if you don't know why, refer to previous posts where I have bitched about them plenty of times before). God they just friggin piss me off, I can't wait until they break up. Other than the fact that they are both nasty vile beings, they capture Charlotte and Gretchen's attention ALL the time leaving little time for me, (I know that its really just Gretchen and Charlotte's loss by not spending time with me because they experience a fabulousness deficit, but none the less, why would I want to see them suffer?)

Jeffery(Charlottes lover) is so rude that he doesnt bother to say a damn thing to me and Jake (Gretchens lover) is just simply obnoxious to associate with. Jeffery hasnt even said thank you for the sweater that I let him borrow which pisses me off (you dont want to have to deal with a pissed off Mr Bitch; there are few things in the world that are worse). Today, Charlotte was with her lover every second as if she will wither and die if she leaves his side, and Jake hunts Gretchen down every free living moment he has.

I suppose I'll have to weather out the disgusting storm of nasty boyfriends until they end their relationships and fabulousness is restored.

NOW LETS TALK SPICEAYYYYYYYYYYYY OK, so I was in burlington all weekend and friday, and let me tell you it was overflowing with gorgeous people and class. Oh yes, the conditions were prime for me to go THONG SHOPPING and it was FABULOUS. I bought tons and tons of sexy thongs; I LOVE christmas shopping. (dont be mistaken; just having me as a friend is good enough of a Christmas present to last a thousand years, but I enjoy supplementing my fabulousness with a little dash of kinkiness). The thongs are so cute, I bought at least three for most of my close friends- Susan, Charlotte, Gretchen etc., it was just so fun. There is nothing quite like when a fabulous person gets to have a fabulous time because its just FABULOUS. Ahhhhh...it was wonderful, thank god for gifting us with the art of shopping, it sustains my life.

A Party Sprinkled with Orgasmic Spiciness

So this weekend I went to my friend Jenna's party and got a ride from Mrs Sweetcheeks along with Charlotte, Susan and Jeffery. Ok, this post is going to be filled with juice so I am going to have to separate each of the many topics that it will cover by paragraphs. Even the car ride was sexy which made up for the slight mediocrity of the party. It was a sweet 16 which made it all the more elaborate and fabulous than your basic party, which is just a prime environment for me to unleash my fabulousness and let it roam free to amaze the unsuspecting public.

Lets start out with the unconditionally sexy car ride. I called Charlotte and asked for a ride to the party knowing that she would say yes (why the hell would she ever pass up the opportunity to spend a little more time with me?) Then she tells me that Jeffery will also be tagging along for the ride (at that point I almost said "of course, I saw that one coming", but then I remembered that that night was Charlotte's night (for potential love making) so I backed off and decided that I would begrudgingly accept Jeffery's presence. The car ride actually turned out to be much more sexy than I had expected (specially with Jeffery being there). It was just a lovely time where I was able to allow my mind to spew all of its sexy thoughts all over everyone in the car, and they all loved it (Mrs Sweetcheeks pretended that my comments werent appropriate for her, but I know that she actually LOVES them but pretends not to because she has to play the role of the responsible adult).

Jeffery was actually quite sociable and, I cant believe Im saying this, was also quite pleasurable to have around. I find myself to be warming up to Jeffery and I dont like it because I hate him for the fact that he is Charlottes lover, but he actually has a decent personality so I like him at the same time, this is so not fabulous, my mixed feelings have foiled my ability to either like or hate this guy. So anyway, Jeffery really isnt that bad (ONLY as far as personality goes, other things like style, cleanliness, sexiness, all the things you need to be completely fabulous, etc. have little presence or are completely absent as far as he goes) I guess the point is that I find him acceptable to socialize with, though he is nowhere near as fabulous as me so dont be mistaken.

Once we joined the party, the spiciness shot off the charts. Gretchen was there (which is a whole different story for later on) and me and Susan got to dance and show off how well dressed and sexy we were and how simply overall magnificent we are. Trish and Violet were there, (taking up the opportunity to walk out on the dance floor and act like complete whores), god they dissapoint me sometimes. For the most part, Gretchen and Susan were graced with my stunning presence throughout the duration of the party (and i know they loved it). The party had an abundant amount of downfalls (food that tasted like burnt poop, pathetic floor plan, gaudy decorations) but all of the fall backs could be looked over since me, Charlotte, and Susan were there to fill in the gaps with our wonderous selves.

About half way into the party, Charlotte and Jeffery embarked on a seemingly never ending very public display of their affection for eachother that everyone noticed. They were hungrily embracing one another in that horny way, sucking on eachothers faces like lollipops. I mean, thats the way it seemed at least, they were actually nuzzling most of the time but it looked like they were smooching like there was no tomorrow. Now, I had known this was going to happen for a LONG time, I can smell those types of things like a fiesty cougar hunting down a zebra, but I really didnt want to believe that it would happen none the less. The moment I looked over and saw them out on the balcony, I was so overwhelmingly happy for Charlotte that I almost peed my pants and then a second later I was fuming with anger (And let me tell you, I am normally HOT if you catch my drift, but then I felt like a firey unforgiving blast of fury). I actually thought I was going to burn them with my vicious glance. I know that I can get pretty pissy sometimes, but I have rarely been that pissed in my entire life.

I really dont like seeing other men touch Charlotte, it makes me territorial. I am way to protective over her and when I saw her and Jeffery giving eachother some lovin I just had to force myself to look away because otherwise I would have uncontrollably walked over there and like torn his head off or something. This is just another instance of mixed feelings, and I always want whatever is going to make Charlotte happy to come true so my anger will never get in the way of that. I guess its good that I care so much about Charlotte, I just have to keep my feelings under control because, trust me, you dont want to set this sexy little love kitten on fire, otherwise your going to get clawed.

It was nice to get to be sexy with Gretchen for once without her lover Matt getting in the way. I was so damn happy that he wasnt invited to the party that I just had to share my joy with Gretchen (she wasnt too thrilled about how happy I was, but whatever, Im way better than Matt anyway so he can take that and shove it up his butt). Gretchen and I got down and dirty on the dance floor and made everybody jelous of how fabulous we are, which is always a nice experience. Theres still a lot of tention between me and Gretchen regarding Matt, much more so than the tension between me and Charlotte regarding Jeffery (since Charlotte understands how I am fabulous which gives me the right to feel however I want about other people). Matt is just one of those people that you get a bad feeling about, like he doesnt want what is best for Gretchen or doesnt really care about her enough. He is just a big douche who is wider than he is tall and basically looks like something a cat would puke up on the carpet. I dont want Gretchen to get hurt, but I guess I cant intervine because she is happy for the time being.

So overall, it was a decent night by the end of which Charlotte and Jeffery officially became lovers. And thank GOD they did, because doing the kinky things that they were doing and not being official is just absolutely trashy. I dont know how their love is going to turn out, but I do have a good feeling about Jeffery's intentions, he is a good person; but he is Charlottes lover and I hate him.

OH YES; The Kiss

I have been saying it was bound to happen (and am I ever wrong about things like sexual relationships; NO), So of course, as usual, I was right; Charlotte has finally taken the first MASSIVE step up the love making staircase with her new lover.

I just barely caught wind of this little bit of info late in the day. I didnt want to pressure her into telling me about her kinky little relationships or anything, so I try and wait for it to come naturally. I knew she would tell me anyway, Charlotte and I have a sixth sense, and that sense is the FABULOUS sense; its when two fabulous people can just tell what each other are thinking because only they can pick up on the signals of fabulousness floating through the air.

So it actually happened on Halloween (I think). Of course Charlotte had to push for it because Jeffery had no clue what he was doing (we all saw that one coming). He didnt even try to kiss her before he left the house OR on the front steps which is where it is ALWAYS supposed to be done (once again, I am not surprised). So he walks all the way to his car and gets ready to pull away with Charlotte standing there in the doorway clearly wanting some spiciness to satisfy her sexual lust. Charlotte had to run out to his car and practically force him to kiss her (that doesnt mean he didnt want to kiss her, because TRUST me, he definately did, she is WAY better than him, he just was too afraid or nervous). But anyway, she basically asked for it, literally, and she got it.

Now i'm not going to get carried away here because it was really just a peck on the lips, but let me tell you; knowing Charlotte (because we are so similar) she definately wants to get a little naughtier than that, because a peck is just far to tame. Me and Charlotte are not caged lions, we are free roaming beasts, and we like to get naughty, so thats basically how I know she wanted more than what she got. But, then again, the guy she has right now is pathetic so it will probably take a while for him to even attain the level of kinkiness (if possible) to Charlottes satisfaction. Charlotte will not simply settle for a mear peck on the lips, she longs for more, (and trust me, you can bet your sweet ass that she has done MUCH more than that in her day)

I'm still REALLY excited, because this means that we are in business as far as this relationship goes, and Charlotte will eventually get her sexual gratification. So I cant help but live vicariously through her, because we are just so similar and perfect that it almost makes me tearfull.

Susan, you are simply Charming (but so am I)

Yet again I had to deal with the perception that Charlotte is a bitch and Susan is the nice one of the two sisters. Susan really is fabulous and much more accommodating than Charlotte is, I just happen to understand Charlotte's perspective a little better because, us absolutely fabulous folk tend not to be openly wholesome regarding even the most general aspects of our social lives.

Thank god for the difference between the two of them, otherwise I would have no one to talk to when Charlotte is acting like a cranky turd. Not that Charlotte is to blame for ever being cranky, its just so wonderful to have someone who is sexy and kinky like me, who is always in a good mood. Speaking of which, I don't really know why Susan always seems to be in a relatively good mood, its sort of pleasantly strange, to tell you the truth.

Anyway, I have yet to get the latest update on Charlotte's scandalous little love affair with Jeffery (I know that if something didnt happen yet, its coming soon, I can smell immanent love making from a mile away). So that means that you can sit tight because there is a post brewing in the near future that is filled with the scent of sexiness.

Ok this is important. Neither Susan or Charlotte seem to understand why I enjoy spending time with Mrs Sweetcheeks, but really there are so many reasons why I enjoy her that it would take far to much time to list the endless fabulous attributes to her personality that she has. For one thing, she has given me the type of nurturing that my mom didnt live long enough to give me. I am forever in debt to her because of that and I lack the capability to describe her expomentially massive importance to me in words at this point. What I can say is that I understand why she loves me, its because Im fabulous (anybody could figure that out because its so obvious), I mean, what kind of person wouldnt want to spend time with me? Only a trashy idiot. I just simply have this magical aura that surrounds me and everything I touch, it really is my god given talent to leave people smitten with my loveliness.

So anyway, back to the point; Charlotte and Susan will never understand why I love Mrs Sweetcheeks because they have never suffered the unbearable horrors of loosing a parent and they dont realize how damn lucky they are. I envy them SO much and would litterally give anything to have what they have and that is why I enjoy Mrs Sweetcheeks. GOD it just pisses me off when they tell me Im a freak for hanging out with Mrs Sweetcheeks when they really dont fucking understand.
Plus, you know, there is just a well coated fine layer of fabulousness on top of us and we are just the best anyway so, you know, fabulous people just go together.

A Lovely Day of Absolutely Nothing

So today was really crappy, actually, by crappy I mean deliciously filled with relaxation and basking in my beauty. I did absolutely nothing but lay on the sofa and almost went insane because I spent so much time with my fabulous self that it almost overwhelmed me.

I did speak with Gretchen, and it was quite SEXY. We talked about her lover's buns (among other things....). It was VERY enjoyable after doing nothing all day. I wanted to see a movie with her but old Gretchen is just so frisky that she happens to get herself in trouble every time she turns a corner so her mom grounded her. But anyway, the conversation was more than sufficient to fulfill my sexiness quota for the day. Hopefully me and her will see a movie soon or something (without her boyfriend because I just wont allow that).

Anyway, the whole point of this is just to say how great Gretchen is when you need someone to talk to. She is just one of those people that is always there when you need to have a sexy moment (which is more than I can say for Charlotte, but what can I say? Me and Charlotte are busy and fabulous people so we dont always have time to cater to each others sexy needs).

My sexy matter of opinion......

Just the notion of Jeffery puts Mrs Sweetcheeks and Karen on the offensive. I didnt have time to make a post about this last week so I decided to wait until I really felt like bitching about it. This actually occurred last thursday when I went to see Charlotte's/Susan's/Gretchen's/Trish's soccer game. We had a long car ride there and Mrs Sweetcheeks drove me (I could tell that she absolutely loved having me with her, because there really quite simply isnt anything better). Karen was with me and Mrs Sweetcheeks. Of course, there had to be some conversation about my immense displeasure with Jeffery. So naturally as Mrs Sweetcheeks and Karen advocate him (I have no clue why the hell anyone would) I have to constantly play on the defensive side to back up my opinions.

Don't ask me why they bothered to tell me how 'great' Jeffery is when I know that they love me precipituously more than him anyway because I am just so much better that it is insulting to compare the both of us and even the notion of a comparison is making me queezy so ill stop. First of all, they fail to recognize the fact that the guy has absolutely no taste or sense of social nature. Ok he's nice, ill give him that, however he is VERY impolite. He didnt even thank me for the sweater OR give it back to me. GOD, the longer he waits to give it back the more time it has to get infected with his nastiness. Secondly, he has no class or kinkiness AT ALL. Top that all off with the fact that he is too modest and it is just one big pile of useless poop.

The worst part about it is Mrs Sweetcheeks and Karen think just because he is such a 'nice' boy that he is just a wonderful person. The also think that because I hate him, that must mean that I am not in favor of what makes Charlotte happy which is just the most massive pile of shit in the world. I love Charlotte and support her ALWAYS, but I am not going to mask my true opinions cause that is just retarded.

So this whole car ride I constantly defend myself (mainly against Karen) and I obviously didnt get through to her because she just got all frustrated. Oh well, Ill give it some time for her to realize just how wonderful I am, and that is what it all comes down to. But GOD it pisses me off to have her think that, specially because I care a lot about Karen and her opinions. If it was just some douche that I didnt care about that was saying that, then I couldnt give a damn less. People just really need to analyze a situation before they make assumptions because it makes me mad. Plus, Im sick of professing my love and support for Charlotte OVER and OVER again just to prove that I always support her cause its getting old.

Ok, I will just forget about thursday and move on to something that pissed me off today. Charlotte tells me that she is "too busy" to see me at her house tomorrow. WHAT A PILE OF BULLSHIT. Pardon me, but have I not mentioned before that there is no such thing as being to busy to have time for me? I think I have. I will try and keep my cool for a moment here, since it is true that Charlotte cant spend all of her time with me, but I BARELY get to see her in school and it SUCKS.

What I was thinking was that when Charlotte spends time with me it is really the same thing as spending time with herself since we are so similar, so therefore by my reasoning, there would be no difference between me being at her house and not being there. We are both so fabulous and similar that we are basically the same person, so if she is spending time with herself it might as well be me. This realization kind of sucks cause it makes me realize that I should have approached Susan to come over her house instead, since Susan and me are different enough to make it worth it to see eachother as often as possible. Damn, it really sucks having someone else as perfect and fabulous as you are that is your friend, god being absolutely wonderful really isnt as easy as it looks.

Jeffery: Maybe not so bad (but still pretty bad)

So I spent a large portion of Halloween night at Charlottes house and, of course, the second I walk in, I see Charlotte and Jeffery at the table eating. My first instinct was to simply throw up or something in order to display my great displeasure in seeing them together. It really sucks thinking someone is so nasty while still being overjoyed about how happy your friend is.

I walked over to the table and begrudgingly sat down at the table with a smile on my face that made me look like I had just caught a wiff of cow shit and was attempting to make it seem as though I didnt smell anything. We made small talk, and all of a sudden I realized that Jeffery realy doesnt suck as much as I thought he did (of course, i was thinking of him out of the context of being Charlottes lover). I found out that he actually can be social, unfortunatley he acts like a mindless dick unless he is around someone he knows well like Charlotte when you meet him. It was actually quite entertaining having a conversation with him. Im pretty sure Charlotte's presence was the only thing giving the guy the incentive to socialize, he was probably popping a huge boner underneath the table just looking at her.

What I do have to say is that I still unconditionally hate him because of how he is Charlottes lover, but I like him at the same time. I wish I could just say I hate him, but I cant because Charlotte loves him and he actually acts like a normal human when he is around Charlotte and not just a human shaped turd.

Ive been pissed off at Karen's perception regarding my opinion of Jeffery. She just doesnt understand why I hate him. He really is disgusting, but she thinks that I despise him in spite of the fact that Charlotte likes him, which I dont. I ALWAYS support Charlotte, but I am not going to act like a mindless ass and not let anyone now my opinion. Like I have mentiond MANY times before; Charlottes happiness is everything to me, and therefore I support her relationship even though I HATE her nasty little lover. Karen just doesnt get that I can care about Charlotte while still hating her lover and it really makes me want to bitch out on her (but i'll control myself because I love Karen and just because she misunderstands one thing doesnty invalidate my friendship with her. THANK GOD I have Susans opinion to validate my feelings for Jeffery, otherwise I might just weep because of how no one would realize how vile that creature is.

On the other hand, I have yet to hear about the outcome of Charlottes steamy Halloween outing with Jeffery and I REALLY want to know how it went. Specially because I want my sweater back so I can start washing it 100 times, but also because I want to know if there was any love making (and trust me, I wouldnt put it past Charlotte for there to be any love making). Just talking about me and Charlotte reminds me of how we are just the best, so I felt like saying that. But anyway, this is REALLY exciting because Charlotte has wanted to begin the precursers to love making desparately, but all Jeffery has been doing is sitting there like a mindless jellyfish while she awaits him to make the first move towards a long spicy love making session. Perhaps I should befriend Jeffery and prompt him to scurry down sexy path of sexiness so that Charlotte could actually get something hot out of this whole relationship. I wont do anything without consulting Charlotte first (plus I really dont want to associate with Jeffery so hopefully it doesnt come down to me befriending him).

While I was at Charlottes house Gretchen, Susan, Karen, Jeffery and Mrs Sweetcheeks were all there at once, so let me tell you, that house was bursting at the seams with sexiness (You could actually probably see the sexiness seeping out the windows and doors of the house). It should be illegal for that many sexy people to be together at once. It really reminded me of how fabulous we all are (minus Jeffery because he sort of had a negative impact on the sexy factor). Me, Gretchen and Charlotte rarely get to be together anymore (if at all) and it was really spicy to have us all back together for a little while. I love the holidays, there is always the scent of orgasmic love making in the air, (plus the scent and aura of sexiness that me and Charlotte provide year round). Believe me, more spiciness has yet to come, from now till christmas I will have plenty to bitch and be sexy about.

A Painfully Sexy Week Ahead

So I get a call at 6:10pm, (of course I was busy admiring my reflection in the mirror or something at the time). I open the phone and realize that its Charlotte, who left a typical brief message asking me to return her call as soon as possible. That was when I started getting all excited because I thought something REALLY orgasmic had happened and I wanted to be the first to know the details. I called her back twice and on the second time she answered and said she needed a favor (at this point I am still thinking that something exciting and sexy is immanent). She wanted to borrow a sweater for that slime ball Jeffery, of course (at that point I was heavily disappointed, but I hadn't lost hope quite yet because Charlotte sounded excited, and if something is exciting for her than I am always there to support her, despite how foul I might find any of her affiliates)

Keep in mind that I love everything about Charlotte, except for every single man in her life (excluding family). So I figure it isn't to asshole-ish of me to hate all of her men since, as I have said before, they take up valuable time that could be spent with me, and I just simply hate anybody that takes a slice of my Charlotte cake. Just remember that whenever I disclose how absolutely repulsive any boy in her life is, I am still there for her 100% and would never back away.

So anyway, I immediately become excited since because I simply cant help myself from doing so whenever a perfectly fabulous person is excited (the only perfectly fabulous people being me and Charlotte), so basically sexy people are vicarious towards one another by nature.

She told me that her and Jeffery are going to be barbie and ken for Halloween. (The idea of Jeffery dressing up as if to give the impression that he is actually classy almost made me throw up all over the restaurant parking lot that I was standing in at the time). Then again, the idea of being barbie and ken is absolutely fabulous because Charlotte will get to dress up all sexy and have a reason to look absolutely orgasmic on Halloween. Charlotte asked if she could borrow one of my sweaters for him to wear to make him look sexy (and by sexy I mean still absolutely disgusting, just a little closer to sexy than he is currently).

Honestly, what really makes me sick is that the guy doesnt even own a fricken decent sweater, I mean JESUS, who the hell has a fashion sense that is that truly distasteful? And to I add to that, he doesnt even KNOW anybody with a sense of fashion that actually owns a sweater, I felt so much pity for his sense of taste that I almost wanted to cry. DEAR GOD, and I thought it was bad the day Gretchen wore clashing colors, this makes her seem like a fashion goddess. Aside from that, I truly can't blame Charlotte for asking me for something sexy for him to wear, (I mean, really, is there anybody else she could possibly ask that would do a better job at outfitting someone fashionably? the answer is NO).

The only truly exciting thing about this for me is that something kinky is bound to go down on halloween night. Think about it, the prospects are at a piont of pure perfection. I couldnt really think of a better way for Charlotte to get the chance to get down and dirty then to find a reason to dress up all kinky and sexy along with her man. I am SO excited for her that I think Im going to need to spank myself just to calm down. The conditions are ripe for something JUICY to happen in Charlotte's life, and I get to be the sexy and perfect friend to watch and help her along the way. (which is almost as good as being the one getting some action myself because Charlotte is basically me)

Whenever I hate the idea of something Charlotte is doing, I just have to ignore it, as long as she is happy, cause thats all that really matters to me. If she needs to borrow anything or any sort of help, I will be there to provide it for her, no matter what the circumstances are. Thats how you know you really care about someone (cause let me tell you Jeffery is REALLY damn nasty and I support Charlotte's relationship with him). Whenever I am doing the most that I can possibly do to make sure that she is happy, I am happy (and sexy). All it really comes down to is her happiness, so nothing else is going to ever get in the way of me wanting the best for her, which is whatever she defines it to be.

So, if I just pretend that she is dating someone absolutely drop dead sexy, then I should be able to get away without cringing every time I think about who she is dating. I also have to consider how much I should wash that sweater after he wears it, probably like a few shmillion times.

The Sexy Search For Colleges

When it comes to college, at least for me, there are so many criteria that have to be met that it is simply shocking. The most important point is that I am already as amazing as it can possibly get, so colleges really don't have to worry about not getting a perfect and fabulous person, but I do have to worry about whether or not I get a sexy college.

First of all, I need to have fabulous people to make me feel at home like Charlotte and amazing, annoying and kinky people like Susan. But, I also need someone filled with flaws like Gretchen that is still amazing in spite of her shortcomings. I mean, the list could really just go on and on. I need sexy fashionable atmospheres, fabulous shopping, fine dinning, anything and everything sexylicious. I guess if I could choose only one person to bring out of my friends it would be Charlotte. I would just need another perfectly fabulous person to be with me, otherwise I would feel socially deprived and begin to loose all hope that there are any sexy people left in the world.

My whole point in saying this is that the search for college is not just something about academics, careers and financial aid; it is about making sure that you are going to go somewhere that you feel absolutely sexy and delicious. (well, I feel sexy and delicious everywhere, because I am, but I could imagine how some normal people dont feel that way under all circumstances). I need to go some place outlandish and positivly orgasmic, I want to be able to go to a certain college and just think of the word "orgasm" when I see it. This was all really meant to simply be a sneak peek into what it is like to be perfectly fabulous person searching for colleges. God, it is so much harder for us delicous people than for normal people, poor Charlotte will be bitching about the same thing next year, I feel sorry for both of us.

...Oh Susan

Susan really fills her own kinky little niche within my many friendship categories. For one thing, she is very openly critical (but I know most of it isn't true because there is simply not enough for her to be critical of regarding me). I'm one hundred percent sure that she does it just to see me get all pissed off and enjoy it. I guess I understand that she is doing it solely for that reason so it really makes it harmless. She just gets this frighteningly deep pleasure from it, its like she is almost evil when she smiles at me and tells me that whatever she is saying is true when I know it isnt (like when she told me my butt didn't look good one day).

I get way to worked up over certain things, Susan knows just how to make me flip a shit and she loves doing it. It almost makes me feel vulnerable to her. But then again, I have the same mystical power of hitting just the right nerve to annoy her.

When we annoy each other, its always in a playful context (well, it better be because if not ill be pissed, and I can guarantee that there is no one on this planet that would live to see pissed and live to tell the tale). Anyway, I guess it is part of what makes me and Susan so sexy and unique. She still wont admit that me and her are better than most people and it REALLY pisses me off, because if there is one thing in this world that I absolutely loathe, its modesty. If there were one value that I could banish from the face of this earth, it would be modesty, the thought of it just makes me cringe with displeasure. Its clearly not just me because Charlotte absolutely agrees with me so that validates my opinion.

The one thing that Susan doesnt realize is that when she tells me things, a part of me believes them and it is shocking because I know that its not true, but I am to self conscious to be sure. Not to say that me and Susan arent amazing, we are either arguing, or jovially discussing something that has to do with intense love making and I absolutely love it. Susan just fills me with so many conflicting emotions that I have to love her fabulousness (and by her I mean me and her because whenever the word fabulousness is involved, I always share a hefty chunk of it). Susan just doesnt ever let me have it all; I cant ever not be a little annoyed nor can I ever not be absolutely smitten with how fabulous we both are. So heres to my extremely kinky love biscuit Susan;......oh Susan, you slay me. (and I do the same to her because, well, Im just wonderful)

Deprived of Sexiness

OK, so I usually wouldn't post on a day where I hardly encounter ANYTHING sexy at all (which is VERY rare because I tend to attract sexiness like a magnet, plus I already am sexy to begin with so technically there is no day without it). But today was sort of an exception because I am totally in the mood to Bitch.

Don't you find standardized testing to be like an absolute pile of shit? Well if you do then you are right, because I agree (which means its always right). I had to take the ACT today, and it was absolutely marvelous waking up at 5:50 when I should have been getting my VERY important beauty sleep. I mean, most people in the world don't even need beauty sleep because they are so ugly to begin with that it is just a lost cause anyway (Me, Charlotte, and all my other associates being the sexy exceptions). So anyway I had to drive down to Carmel, which is just a dumpy, nasty little town with hideous people (I did see some sexy ones though). The test was like four hours by the way, which is just horrendous. You cant put beautiful people like me through treacherous conditions like that.

I get there and I see my friend Ashley which, quite frankly, made me relieved since I knew that there would actually be someone else there besides me who was worth the air that they were breathing. I haven't known Ashley that long and just started becoming really good friends with her this year. She is one of the few people that makes me look tame while still maintaining some form of classiness. Perhaps she is a little bit too naughty, but I love her boisterous and carefree lifestyle, she is pretty damn hilarious also. She is probably one if not the naughtiest one of my close friends (along with Ms Bitch). Anyway, I offered her a ride home from the test so that we could immerse ourselves in each others classiness just to recover from how deprived we had been from anything remotely classy in the past five hours.

My point is that you really begin to realize how much you appreciate a sexy and classy person particularly after you have been deprived of sexiness. There is just a feeling of relief because you remember that there are people in the world with class (not a lot of them by any means).

Weaving A Whole New Web of Gossip

So, I have spoken quite a bit about Charlotte lately, and now me and her are about to enter a whole new realm of orgasmic adventure. Because of how absolutely stunning my eloquent blogging has been (i cant help it, it just spills out of me) Charlotte has decided to create her own blog. Its named "Charlotte's Web". (I know what your are thinking; its not kinky enough, but Mrs Sweetcheeks was watching when we created it, so we had to tame our sexiness) So far it is equally as sexy and kinky as mine is (a little more innocent, but none the less the same juice filled sexy conversations). Given the fact that we are talking about Charlotte, I have to assume that it will never slack off from its high quality level of class and sass. Besides, the chances of her new blog turning out to be a big pile of poop are just as good as mine turning out the same way (the chances are ZERO by the way).

So I thought it would be absolutely fabulous of me to seize up the opportunity to place Charlotte in the spotlight (actually it doesnt take much cause its just like complementing myself). I offer my strong, sexy support to her new blog and hope for its success and adequate follow up (I know Charlotte will continue to pursue what she has begun because we are both just the best ever in that way) I am so happy that I inspired Charlotte to start blogging, it makes me feel extra sexy inside. This is why we are so perfect because we just agree on all the classiest things and I can never stress it enough; we are just simply the best, so anybody else who thinks they are better than us should get over it before they embarrass themselves.

Before I go on to describe my issues with Trish today in the next paragraph, i just have to say a few things about the new blog of Charlotte's. Both of our blogs share certain characters in them, Charlotte has just chosen to give them different names in order to keep our blogs sexy and distinct from one another (just so you know; my name is "Mr Sass", because I want to take credit for all the wonderful things I know she will write about me) I expect that Charlotte will continue to update and improve its layout, so ignore it if you see any flaws currently because when things associated with me and Charlotte that have flaws, they tend to just magically disappear VERY quickly. So I encourage anybody with a sense of class and sexiness to read it.

Now back to my daily life. Today was pretty crappy in terms of juicy gossip. Of course, I experienced the usual absent minded bitchiness with Trish. We had to sit together at the blood drive stand today during lunch and she just sat there acting as though there were SO many more important things she should be doing. She is just becoming so ignorant that I dont know what is going to happen. We are just sort of drifting apart for the time being. The thing that comforts me is the fact that I know she will come crawling back eventually (they always end up crawling back to the number one source of fabulousness; me).

NOBODY else was in school today. Well, you know what I mean; nobody who wasn't disgusting was there except for the select few (and i mean FEW). Karen, Susan, Charlotte and Violet were all gone and I usually do most of my gossiping with them. It was traumatizing not having enough classiness around me all day, it was like going to school naked. So we shall wait to see what the weekend holds in place for my fabulous life.

The always sassy

-Mr Bitch

A Spicy Little Evening

This was evening was simply fabulous. All of my worries about Charlotte forgetting to love me have completely faded (how could I ever possibly think that she doesn't absolutely love everything about me and will ALWAYS feel that way). It was refreshing to get the chance to spend a few kinky hours with Charlotte so that we could both catch up thoroughly on our cunningly sexy lives. If only we could do this more often. Then again, you can only bring two of the worlds most gorgeous people together for a certain amount of time before the atmosphere just becomes so filled with our dazzling appearances that the world might collapse on itself or something.

I was so relieved to get the chance to get away from the many drooling slobs (or, you know, just common people in general, drooling slobs are the same thing). It was nice to not be surrounded by disgustingly unclassy people and instead be in a house filled with the pungent aura of perfection (meaning of course me, Charlotte, Susan and Mrs Sweetcheeks). Mrs Sweetcheeks pretended as though she was not thrilled with our kinky discussions. Me and Charlotte both know that she is only pretending because she is an adult and doesnt want to give in to our witty, sexy charm. I cant blame her though, it would be kind of creepy if she absolutely enjoyed it. But I do know that she was thinking in her head "oh these children are so beautiful and wonderful; I am just so fricken lucky to have them with me that I could pee my pants on the spot".

Susan wasn't exacly 'in the mood' (if you catch my drift). She was unresponsive to mine and Charlottes spectacularly spicy discussions. This is just probably because Susan can't really relate to Charlottes obsession with Jeffery (you know; the 'new' lover). Please do not get me wrong on this; I cannot stand that putred boy either, he is just one more thing standing in the way of my attention from Charlotte.

I really cant help but think of all of Charlottes boyfriends as turds that you accidently step in when you are in the park or something and it really pisses you off because you have to go inside the house or something. The turds just hinder me away from Charlotte, and let me tell you something (not that you wont already know this); nobody likes a turd that gets in their way. Sure, someone could say that Im a selfish asshole or something, but that someone would be horribly mistaken because I am probably so much better overall than them anyway that I deserve to do whatever the hell I want, because it just always turns out to be fabulous. Anyway, I dont want to get carried away with the boyfriend thing; I am happy for Charlotte, only because we are so similar that when she is happy I just become happy for no reason at all. Now that is what I call deeply connected fabulousness.

All in all, it was a wonderful night, and it was so sexy that you could practically taste the spiciness in the air, all four of us together are just fabulous in a deadly way.

The always spicy

-Mr Bitch

Mr Bitch and Charlotte; Sexy as Ever

I'm absolutely not going to say that I was overreacting over the whole Charlotte bad boyfriend thing because that would be like saying that I wasn't right, which quite frankly just never happens. But what I will say is that although Charlotte still has the priorities that annoy the shit out of me, she is still as absolutely fricken fabulous as ever (and by she I mean both of us). This came to me as a relief and shock this morning when I realized, much to my surprise, that she had a huge, almost unnatural smile on her face. It looked so out of place, like if someone put a bra on their hiney instead of their boobs.

The fact is; Charlotte is NEVER usually that happy in the morning, its just a part of her personality. Most of us aren't particularly happy in the morning either, but Charlotte usually frowns like a toad at me whenever I approach her early (well, she probably doesnt want to deal with me in the morning, so I honestly don't blame her). The way she acts in the morning doesnt take away from her fabulousness or class by any extent of the imagination, its just something I begrudgingly accept.

Ok, so anyway; after I saw her smile I was like "oh no, something bad happened, or something good for her but something I still wouldnt like" (perhaps some love making with the awkward new lover) But then I walked up to her and realized that she was just generally happy. That was the biggest sense of relief I have had all week. Since Charlotte is at least as promiscuous and kinky as I am, god knows what could have happened between her and her lover that could have made her happy (i wont get into the details, just let your imagination run wild). The fact is, nothing happened which is positively wonderful. She is just overjoyed about this new relationship which I will ONLY accept because of the fact that I love her and her absolute fabulousness.

We stopped and caught up on the latest news in our absolutely sexy lives, and I loved it. Then we enjoyed watching everybody walk through the hall staring at us in awe since we both looked so good. You could just tell that all the people were thinking "oh my god, they both shimmer with so much fabulousness that I am almost blinded" and "I wish i could have a pair of buns like each of them have" (you know, the usual for me and Charlotte, its just a day in the life). This is why me and Charlotte are just so damn perfect that it makes my eyes watery, god we are beautiful. So here's to me and Charlotte, and how lucky the world is to have two people so incandescently perfect.

The New Status Quo

Not that I have given up on Trish or anything as a friend. There are just points in some peoples lives where they abandon a certain portion of their classiness in favor of other endeavors. (me and Charlotte are exceptions to this always, as are most of my friends usually). If Trish wants to throw away valuable class in exchange for social attention from some meaningless slobs in our school, then by all means she can go right ahead. But I will still voice my opinion (the always right opinion) and say that she is making an ass of herself.

The fact is that I should have seen this coming, and it annoys me how disappointed I am for that very reason. I mean, Trish has always been much rougher around the edges than I am. She is a partier, not to mention a boose hound and even more sexually promiscuous than I am (and thats a fricken lot). In comparison i am fabulously socially refined and practically as flawless as a gem when it comes to mannerisms. But what the hell can I say, not everybody can be as good as me or Charlotte, Karen, Susan, etc. So why must I complain? Because of how much it pisses me off when people dont notice that they are abandoning their
class.

So, where does that leave Trish as far as the social status quo hierarchy goes? Well, lets just say shes not completely deteriorated into the zero class category, but her class has diminished disgustingly. In comparison to Charlotte or me (the standards of exceptional classiness) she is pitiful.

Why I love Gretchen (in spite of obvious flaws)

Gretchen is just the type of person that is loaded with flaws, but is so carefree and hilarious that it makes you forget about every single one. When she makes poor decisions (quite often, but negligible because she is affiliated with me) it shocks you and you feel fed up with her mentality. Then all of a sudden you remember why you love her because of how simply fabulous she is. Every time I speak with her it proves to me that someone can be a flawed basket case and at the same time be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Not to say that I don't have flaws along with Gretchen, but our flaws are part of what makes us better than everybody else (even though she refuses to admit it; only Charlotte will). Gretchen really is part of the top tier as far as personality goes, it just depends on your perspective. Let me just take one minute to make this all clear; the things my friends and I consider "flaws" aren't really important to average people, but thats only because they are so saturated with nasty flaws that they have no time to focus on the details. Basically, the fact that Gretchen is even up to my standards means that in the eyes of the commoner, she is a shimmering example of perfection.

The reason I brought this up, in case you didn't know, is because we obviously had a sexy and steamy conversation. It was about our past lovers (and present). Despite the fact that I had to sacrifice some of my naughty little secrets in order to get her in the mood to discuss, it was SO worth it. Her stories take me back to when I was innocent (and yes, there was such a time. Actually not really, I was born kinky and sexy, so lets just say back when I was as close to innocent as I have ever been). Of course, there are all the enjoyments of the first kinky moves and when you decide you are ready for the next step, it is all so charming to replay in my head. Of course I offered her some advice about her situation (which is relatively good, I just dont want anything to be thrown at her that she's not ready for). We went on to exchange all the latest gossip, (my major concern being Charlotte's love situation, but Gretchen was not interested).

Sexy conversations really bring out the best in most of my friends, but if they didnt, then they wouldnt be my friends so it makes a lot of sense from that perspective. I choose the friends that i do because only fabulous and fabulous go together perfectly, and we are all distinctly more fabulous than everybody else. That is just simple and factual; it cannot be argued against.

The fabulous

-Mr Bitch

Priorities and Charlotte

Charlotte is not really one that I would criticize, mainly because it is just like criticizing myself which would just be absolutely retarded. Although, when some people don't know her as well as her closest friends (me being one of the closest friends, naturally), they tend to skew and misconceive her personality. She comes off as a socially distant asshole quite often when I walk up to her expecting to enjoy a casual, sexy conversation and instead she bitches to me and acts like she does not have enough spare time to waste it on me.

First of all, what she really does not realize is the fact that there is ALWAYS time to spend on me, and that is just a fact. Second of all, to people other than me, it seems as though her personality and outlook is always in this bitchy tone. The thing is, it really is not, Charlotte just has to be in the right mood to show her true kinky colors. I know this because I am exactly the same way. It really sucks when other people just assume someone is not fabulous because you happen to catch them at a bad time. None the less, she does piss me off when she is not in the mood to talk to me (quite often in school).

I try to remember that I am the type of person that somebody has to be in the mood to deal with. I think its just because of how lively, critical and kinky I am which does make me a simply wonderful person, only it has to be in the right doses otherwise I am overwhelming. I think that is how Charlotte feels, at least, and I could be wrong but I'm usually not. Charlotte just has priorities and enjoys focusing on whatever is at the top of her mind. Once a task is finished, she picks up another one. This can mean talking to people one at a time having in depth conversations or just doing homework from different classes, it applies to everything. I think she doesn't want to have too much on her plate at once, which is reasonable I guess. I'm just the type of person who likes packing as much fabulousness on to my plate of life as possible so its difficult for me to understand.

There is also the factor of Charlotte's latest crush, who happens to be morbidly hideous. I have told her what I think of him (just in a nicer way than how I just described him). He is greasy land does not have ANY personality or sense of humor to speak of which basically makes him a lifeless pile of poop in my eyes. None the less, Charlotte has become attached to him, and who am I to say no? I'll deal with it for now and hope she gets over it soon. I just want to be a part of her life as much as possible and this new lover is stealing my piece of the pie. Let me tell you something, nobody takes Mr Bitch's pie and lives to tell the tale.

I saw Charlotte and her lover dancing at a party tonight (if you call what they were doing 'dancing'). So I walk in into the party while they are dancing and Charlotte acts as though I don't even exist despite the fact that I waved at her. She just went on dancing back and forth, lost in some sort of orgasmic bliss with her new lover. They were really just swaying back and forth, as if the guy was trying to grind with her but he was too absolutely moronic to know how to do it properly. It just ended up looking like a pretty girl was dancing with a guy who had down's syndrome and was drooling on himself while he wiggled around like an epileptic person having a seizure. This is just an example of how she ignores me sometimes, and it really makes me fume with anger. I can't even control it. I think I am too overprotective of her and just want to know how she is doing an talk to her all the time. That would explain why I hate her loving this new disgusting guy. But I cant really help being overprotective cause me and her are the best together and I want to preserve that.

Me and Suzan have had conversations about Charlottes lovers many times. Charlotte really does have strange taste in men, unfortunatley. The thing is, so do I but I'm not writing this to be critical of myself so I won't get into that for now. Thank god I have Suzan to discuss Charlottes faults, because usually its me and Charlotte discussing other peoples faults. But when Charlotte is the one at fault, who am I to go to? Thats why Suzan is so important (well there are millions of other reasons why but this is one of them). Let me just say that Charlotte is more or less just as flawless as I am, its just the prioritizing that angers my need for constant attention from her. But if she has more important things than me in her life at some of the moments I come up to talk to her, I understand. I'm pretty sure I would love Charlotte no matter what she did (because she is so similar to me that I don't have to worry about her doing something to sacrifice her fabulousness)

Susan just always has time and won't leave you pissed off by acting as though you are inferior to her plans like Charlotte does sometimes, and thats part of her wonderfulness. I suppose we all have that one person who will be understanding of our disgust with other peoples behavior, thank god we all have someone to bitch with, and if you dont then you should probably kill yourself or something cause life wont be very worth living. Whatever, we all have our priorities and Charlotte is not any different.

The simply lovely

-Mr Bitch

Classiness rebounds, but for how long?

I'm not going to assume that the classiness deficit has been recovered, but I have encountered some significant progress. I looked around today, shocked at how dramatically different some of my friends presented themselves. Trish actually chose not to be an ignorant ass for the first time in the entire week, a quantum leap from where she was at on Monday. Gretchen dressed very well, and that is not to say that she usually lacks the capability to dress well, but every once in a while she throws in some hideous rogue outfit that corrupts any chance at a stylish image. Unfortunately, there is not much I can conclude from this sudden uprising of class, except for that Trish and Gretchen need to be more consistent in the way they act and portray themselves.

Trish is the one that still concerns me, but I am still convinced that once I get the chance to sit her down and have her lay all the gossip on me, everything will be worked out and understood. Emma and Ms Bitch have both shared my opinions in Trish's choice of actions and recent gossipy behavior. Hopefully this is a phase, it is so difficult to understand how some people just let their reputation go up in flames without a second thought. Trish came up and actually chatted with me for a brief period, acting like her normal self (shocking to me). She has been having some encounters with men (kinky or not kinky, I don't know) and I think it will wear off. I love Trish and don't want to loose her to some nasty guy that she is crushing on (I won't name names until I have more info). So here's to Trish regaining classiness AND maintaining it for once in her life.

I spent the whole evening with Emma, which was immensely comforting. There is nobody else like her. She is so totally unbiased and wholesome that it makes me feel impure and devilish in comparison (well i'm not exactly an angel anyway, unless it's a kinky angel). She helps me reason with the many social conflicts occurring in my life (which are caused by other people slacking off in the fabulous department rather than me). Its just nice to laugh like a bitch and not have to worry or stress about how ignorant some people can be and only Emma can get me in that sort of mood.

The gorgeous

-Mr Bitch

Somebody tell me if they find where all the classiness has gone...

A person's class is definitely the most vulnerable aspect of their personality. Lately (and unfortunately) I have been noticing how quickly it can deteriorate in some of my friends. Of course, I have to bitch about Trish first since she seems to have come down with the worst case of classiness deterioration that I have ever seen. Even Ms Bitch agrees with me and she is usually much more conservative in making assumptions than I am. I would still like to think that it is not happening to Trish. But if Ms Bitch notices, then it is not just me. Trish seems to live off of being the center of attention; absolutely not classy. Thank god there are people like me and the friends that I have (well the ones that I know won't let themselves become nasty) that are willing to preserve their classiness. I'm hoping that Trish's latest conquest for attention will be short lived, so I'll go forth with that mentality for another week and if she doesn't change by then, then I'll have to intervene. It will not be pretty if I have to stop her from this socially careless behavior, how humiliating on her behalf.

Gretchen is a whole other story, I could literally go on for hours, but nobody wants to hear that much about her. Let me just remind you that I love her and that she is one of my best friends, but its just bullshit if anyone is going to pretend that their is absolutely nothing about their friends that annoys them. Gretchen has taken a recent plunge into the realm of fashion disaster, I really wish I could tell people she was color blind or something to compensate for her taste in clothing. Today she was dressed in red and yellow, which is fabulous if you work at McDonald's, but not if you actually have a social life. The whole fashion thing is beyond me, plus me and Charlotte enjoy critiquing her terrible taste so I might as well not attempt to change it. You can't really 'change' somebody's taste anyway, its a sort of concrete asset, which can be fortunate for some and horrific for others.

The real problem with Gretchen is her 'significant other'. Actually, calling him significant is an extreme overstatement. He is about four feet tall and three feet wide. Like a little muscular munchkin who hit puberty at birth; nasty. Every time you see him it makes you picture him with green hair and orange skin hopping around in munchkin land. The best example of his personality I can give is that he is basically a giant erect penis looking for something to rub itself up against for pleasure. There is nothing I will love more than the day I see them break up, which is technically horrible since Gretchen will probably be upset, but I wont be able to contain the look of joy that will beam from my face. Its not like i'll be happy that she is upset anyway, just that the huge douche is out of her life. Most people have some sort of potential to be classy or have taste, he is none of the above. Basically a lost cause and just nasty, he looks like a giant steroid with freckles.

Thank god I have Charlotte to think of whenever I question whether or not the world has run out of classiness. If she were not around then it would only be me with classiness and nobody to share it with since no one would be able to understand how wonderful I am. Sometimes its hard to be fabulous and watch other people suffer a lack of such. (which almost everybody lacks somewhat but me and Charlotte)

The one and only (lovely)

-Mr Bitch