A Painfully Sexy Week Ahead

So I get a call at 6:10pm, (of course I was busy admiring my reflection in the mirror or something at the time). I open the phone and realize that its Charlotte, who left a typical brief message asking me to return her call as soon as possible. That was when I started getting all excited because I thought something REALLY orgasmic had happened and I wanted to be the first to know the details. I called her back twice and on the second time she answered and said she needed a favor (at this point I am still thinking that something exciting and sexy is immanent). She wanted to borrow a sweater for that slime ball Jeffery, of course (at that point I was heavily disappointed, but I hadn't lost hope quite yet because Charlotte sounded excited, and if something is exciting for her than I am always there to support her, despite how foul I might find any of her affiliates)

Keep in mind that I love everything about Charlotte, except for every single man in her life (excluding family). So I figure it isn't to asshole-ish of me to hate all of her men since, as I have said before, they take up valuable time that could be spent with me, and I just simply hate anybody that takes a slice of my Charlotte cake. Just remember that whenever I disclose how absolutely repulsive any boy in her life is, I am still there for her 100% and would never back away.

So anyway, I immediately become excited since because I simply cant help myself from doing so whenever a perfectly fabulous person is excited (the only perfectly fabulous people being me and Charlotte), so basically sexy people are vicarious towards one another by nature.

She told me that her and Jeffery are going to be barbie and ken for Halloween. (The idea of Jeffery dressing up as if to give the impression that he is actually classy almost made me throw up all over the restaurant parking lot that I was standing in at the time). Then again, the idea of being barbie and ken is absolutely fabulous because Charlotte will get to dress up all sexy and have a reason to look absolutely orgasmic on Halloween. Charlotte asked if she could borrow one of my sweaters for him to wear to make him look sexy (and by sexy I mean still absolutely disgusting, just a little closer to sexy than he is currently).

Honestly, what really makes me sick is that the guy doesnt even own a fricken decent sweater, I mean JESUS, who the hell has a fashion sense that is that truly distasteful? And to I add to that, he doesnt even KNOW anybody with a sense of fashion that actually owns a sweater, I felt so much pity for his sense of taste that I almost wanted to cry. DEAR GOD, and I thought it was bad the day Gretchen wore clashing colors, this makes her seem like a fashion goddess. Aside from that, I truly can't blame Charlotte for asking me for something sexy for him to wear, (I mean, really, is there anybody else she could possibly ask that would do a better job at outfitting someone fashionably? the answer is NO).

The only truly exciting thing about this for me is that something kinky is bound to go down on halloween night. Think about it, the prospects are at a piont of pure perfection. I couldnt really think of a better way for Charlotte to get the chance to get down and dirty then to find a reason to dress up all kinky and sexy along with her man. I am SO excited for her that I think Im going to need to spank myself just to calm down. The conditions are ripe for something JUICY to happen in Charlotte's life, and I get to be the sexy and perfect friend to watch and help her along the way. (which is almost as good as being the one getting some action myself because Charlotte is basically me)

Whenever I hate the idea of something Charlotte is doing, I just have to ignore it, as long as she is happy, cause thats all that really matters to me. If she needs to borrow anything or any sort of help, I will be there to provide it for her, no matter what the circumstances are. Thats how you know you really care about someone (cause let me tell you Jeffery is REALLY damn nasty and I support Charlotte's relationship with him). Whenever I am doing the most that I can possibly do to make sure that she is happy, I am happy (and sexy). All it really comes down to is her happiness, so nothing else is going to ever get in the way of me wanting the best for her, which is whatever she defines it to be.

So, if I just pretend that she is dating someone absolutely drop dead sexy, then I should be able to get away without cringing every time I think about who she is dating. I also have to consider how much I should wash that sweater after he wears it, probably like a few shmillion times.

The Sexy Search For Colleges

When it comes to college, at least for me, there are so many criteria that have to be met that it is simply shocking. The most important point is that I am already as amazing as it can possibly get, so colleges really don't have to worry about not getting a perfect and fabulous person, but I do have to worry about whether or not I get a sexy college.

First of all, I need to have fabulous people to make me feel at home like Charlotte and amazing, annoying and kinky people like Susan. But, I also need someone filled with flaws like Gretchen that is still amazing in spite of her shortcomings. I mean, the list could really just go on and on. I need sexy fashionable atmospheres, fabulous shopping, fine dinning, anything and everything sexylicious. I guess if I could choose only one person to bring out of my friends it would be Charlotte. I would just need another perfectly fabulous person to be with me, otherwise I would feel socially deprived and begin to loose all hope that there are any sexy people left in the world.

My whole point in saying this is that the search for college is not just something about academics, careers and financial aid; it is about making sure that you are going to go somewhere that you feel absolutely sexy and delicious. (well, I feel sexy and delicious everywhere, because I am, but I could imagine how some normal people dont feel that way under all circumstances). I need to go some place outlandish and positivly orgasmic, I want to be able to go to a certain college and just think of the word "orgasm" when I see it. This was all really meant to simply be a sneak peek into what it is like to be perfectly fabulous person searching for colleges. God, it is so much harder for us delicous people than for normal people, poor Charlotte will be bitching about the same thing next year, I feel sorry for both of us.

...Oh Susan

Susan really fills her own kinky little niche within my many friendship categories. For one thing, she is very openly critical (but I know most of it isn't true because there is simply not enough for her to be critical of regarding me). I'm one hundred percent sure that she does it just to see me get all pissed off and enjoy it. I guess I understand that she is doing it solely for that reason so it really makes it harmless. She just gets this frighteningly deep pleasure from it, its like she is almost evil when she smiles at me and tells me that whatever she is saying is true when I know it isnt (like when she told me my butt didn't look good one day).

I get way to worked up over certain things, Susan knows just how to make me flip a shit and she loves doing it. It almost makes me feel vulnerable to her. But then again, I have the same mystical power of hitting just the right nerve to annoy her.

When we annoy each other, its always in a playful context (well, it better be because if not ill be pissed, and I can guarantee that there is no one on this planet that would live to see pissed and live to tell the tale). Anyway, I guess it is part of what makes me and Susan so sexy and unique. She still wont admit that me and her are better than most people and it REALLY pisses me off, because if there is one thing in this world that I absolutely loathe, its modesty. If there were one value that I could banish from the face of this earth, it would be modesty, the thought of it just makes me cringe with displeasure. Its clearly not just me because Charlotte absolutely agrees with me so that validates my opinion.

The one thing that Susan doesnt realize is that when she tells me things, a part of me believes them and it is shocking because I know that its not true, but I am to self conscious to be sure. Not to say that me and Susan arent amazing, we are either arguing, or jovially discussing something that has to do with intense love making and I absolutely love it. Susan just fills me with so many conflicting emotions that I have to love her fabulousness (and by her I mean me and her because whenever the word fabulousness is involved, I always share a hefty chunk of it). Susan just doesnt ever let me have it all; I cant ever not be a little annoyed nor can I ever not be absolutely smitten with how fabulous we both are. So heres to my extremely kinky love biscuit Susan;......oh Susan, you slay me. (and I do the same to her because, well, Im just wonderful)

Deprived of Sexiness

OK, so I usually wouldn't post on a day where I hardly encounter ANYTHING sexy at all (which is VERY rare because I tend to attract sexiness like a magnet, plus I already am sexy to begin with so technically there is no day without it). But today was sort of an exception because I am totally in the mood to Bitch.

Don't you find standardized testing to be like an absolute pile of shit? Well if you do then you are right, because I agree (which means its always right). I had to take the ACT today, and it was absolutely marvelous waking up at 5:50 when I should have been getting my VERY important beauty sleep. I mean, most people in the world don't even need beauty sleep because they are so ugly to begin with that it is just a lost cause anyway (Me, Charlotte, and all my other associates being the sexy exceptions). So anyway I had to drive down to Carmel, which is just a dumpy, nasty little town with hideous people (I did see some sexy ones though). The test was like four hours by the way, which is just horrendous. You cant put beautiful people like me through treacherous conditions like that.

I get there and I see my friend Ashley which, quite frankly, made me relieved since I knew that there would actually be someone else there besides me who was worth the air that they were breathing. I haven't known Ashley that long and just started becoming really good friends with her this year. She is one of the few people that makes me look tame while still maintaining some form of classiness. Perhaps she is a little bit too naughty, but I love her boisterous and carefree lifestyle, she is pretty damn hilarious also. She is probably one if not the naughtiest one of my close friends (along with Ms Bitch). Anyway, I offered her a ride home from the test so that we could immerse ourselves in each others classiness just to recover from how deprived we had been from anything remotely classy in the past five hours.

My point is that you really begin to realize how much you appreciate a sexy and classy person particularly after you have been deprived of sexiness. There is just a feeling of relief because you remember that there are people in the world with class (not a lot of them by any means).

Weaving A Whole New Web of Gossip

So, I have spoken quite a bit about Charlotte lately, and now me and her are about to enter a whole new realm of orgasmic adventure. Because of how absolutely stunning my eloquent blogging has been (i cant help it, it just spills out of me) Charlotte has decided to create her own blog. Its named "Charlotte's Web". (I know what your are thinking; its not kinky enough, but Mrs Sweetcheeks was watching when we created it, so we had to tame our sexiness) So far it is equally as sexy and kinky as mine is (a little more innocent, but none the less the same juice filled sexy conversations). Given the fact that we are talking about Charlotte, I have to assume that it will never slack off from its high quality level of class and sass. Besides, the chances of her new blog turning out to be a big pile of poop are just as good as mine turning out the same way (the chances are ZERO by the way).

So I thought it would be absolutely fabulous of me to seize up the opportunity to place Charlotte in the spotlight (actually it doesnt take much cause its just like complementing myself). I offer my strong, sexy support to her new blog and hope for its success and adequate follow up (I know Charlotte will continue to pursue what she has begun because we are both just the best ever in that way) I am so happy that I inspired Charlotte to start blogging, it makes me feel extra sexy inside. This is why we are so perfect because we just agree on all the classiest things and I can never stress it enough; we are just simply the best, so anybody else who thinks they are better than us should get over it before they embarrass themselves.

Before I go on to describe my issues with Trish today in the next paragraph, i just have to say a few things about the new blog of Charlotte's. Both of our blogs share certain characters in them, Charlotte has just chosen to give them different names in order to keep our blogs sexy and distinct from one another (just so you know; my name is "Mr Sass", because I want to take credit for all the wonderful things I know she will write about me) I expect that Charlotte will continue to update and improve its layout, so ignore it if you see any flaws currently because when things associated with me and Charlotte that have flaws, they tend to just magically disappear VERY quickly. So I encourage anybody with a sense of class and sexiness to read it.

Now back to my daily life. Today was pretty crappy in terms of juicy gossip. Of course, I experienced the usual absent minded bitchiness with Trish. We had to sit together at the blood drive stand today during lunch and she just sat there acting as though there were SO many more important things she should be doing. She is just becoming so ignorant that I dont know what is going to happen. We are just sort of drifting apart for the time being. The thing that comforts me is the fact that I know she will come crawling back eventually (they always end up crawling back to the number one source of fabulousness; me).

NOBODY else was in school today. Well, you know what I mean; nobody who wasn't disgusting was there except for the select few (and i mean FEW). Karen, Susan, Charlotte and Violet were all gone and I usually do most of my gossiping with them. It was traumatizing not having enough classiness around me all day, it was like going to school naked. So we shall wait to see what the weekend holds in place for my fabulous life.

The always sassy

-Mr Bitch

A Spicy Little Evening

This was evening was simply fabulous. All of my worries about Charlotte forgetting to love me have completely faded (how could I ever possibly think that she doesn't absolutely love everything about me and will ALWAYS feel that way). It was refreshing to get the chance to spend a few kinky hours with Charlotte so that we could both catch up thoroughly on our cunningly sexy lives. If only we could do this more often. Then again, you can only bring two of the worlds most gorgeous people together for a certain amount of time before the atmosphere just becomes so filled with our dazzling appearances that the world might collapse on itself or something.

I was so relieved to get the chance to get away from the many drooling slobs (or, you know, just common people in general, drooling slobs are the same thing). It was nice to not be surrounded by disgustingly unclassy people and instead be in a house filled with the pungent aura of perfection (meaning of course me, Charlotte, Susan and Mrs Sweetcheeks). Mrs Sweetcheeks pretended as though she was not thrilled with our kinky discussions. Me and Charlotte both know that she is only pretending because she is an adult and doesnt want to give in to our witty, sexy charm. I cant blame her though, it would be kind of creepy if she absolutely enjoyed it. But I do know that she was thinking in her head "oh these children are so beautiful and wonderful; I am just so fricken lucky to have them with me that I could pee my pants on the spot".

Susan wasn't exacly 'in the mood' (if you catch my drift). She was unresponsive to mine and Charlottes spectacularly spicy discussions. This is just probably because Susan can't really relate to Charlottes obsession with Jeffery (you know; the 'new' lover). Please do not get me wrong on this; I cannot stand that putred boy either, he is just one more thing standing in the way of my attention from Charlotte.

I really cant help but think of all of Charlottes boyfriends as turds that you accidently step in when you are in the park or something and it really pisses you off because you have to go inside the house or something. The turds just hinder me away from Charlotte, and let me tell you something (not that you wont already know this); nobody likes a turd that gets in their way. Sure, someone could say that Im a selfish asshole or something, but that someone would be horribly mistaken because I am probably so much better overall than them anyway that I deserve to do whatever the hell I want, because it just always turns out to be fabulous. Anyway, I dont want to get carried away with the boyfriend thing; I am happy for Charlotte, only because we are so similar that when she is happy I just become happy for no reason at all. Now that is what I call deeply connected fabulousness.

All in all, it was a wonderful night, and it was so sexy that you could practically taste the spiciness in the air, all four of us together are just fabulous in a deadly way.

The always spicy

-Mr Bitch

Mr Bitch and Charlotte; Sexy as Ever

I'm absolutely not going to say that I was overreacting over the whole Charlotte bad boyfriend thing because that would be like saying that I wasn't right, which quite frankly just never happens. But what I will say is that although Charlotte still has the priorities that annoy the shit out of me, she is still as absolutely fricken fabulous as ever (and by she I mean both of us). This came to me as a relief and shock this morning when I realized, much to my surprise, that she had a huge, almost unnatural smile on her face. It looked so out of place, like if someone put a bra on their hiney instead of their boobs.

The fact is; Charlotte is NEVER usually that happy in the morning, its just a part of her personality. Most of us aren't particularly happy in the morning either, but Charlotte usually frowns like a toad at me whenever I approach her early (well, she probably doesnt want to deal with me in the morning, so I honestly don't blame her). The way she acts in the morning doesnt take away from her fabulousness or class by any extent of the imagination, its just something I begrudgingly accept.

Ok, so anyway; after I saw her smile I was like "oh no, something bad happened, or something good for her but something I still wouldnt like" (perhaps some love making with the awkward new lover) But then I walked up to her and realized that she was just generally happy. That was the biggest sense of relief I have had all week. Since Charlotte is at least as promiscuous and kinky as I am, god knows what could have happened between her and her lover that could have made her happy (i wont get into the details, just let your imagination run wild). The fact is, nothing happened which is positively wonderful. She is just overjoyed about this new relationship which I will ONLY accept because of the fact that I love her and her absolute fabulousness.

We stopped and caught up on the latest news in our absolutely sexy lives, and I loved it. Then we enjoyed watching everybody walk through the hall staring at us in awe since we both looked so good. You could just tell that all the people were thinking "oh my god, they both shimmer with so much fabulousness that I am almost blinded" and "I wish i could have a pair of buns like each of them have" (you know, the usual for me and Charlotte, its just a day in the life). This is why me and Charlotte are just so damn perfect that it makes my eyes watery, god we are beautiful. So here's to me and Charlotte, and how lucky the world is to have two people so incandescently perfect.

The New Status Quo

Not that I have given up on Trish or anything as a friend. There are just points in some peoples lives where they abandon a certain portion of their classiness in favor of other endeavors. (me and Charlotte are exceptions to this always, as are most of my friends usually). If Trish wants to throw away valuable class in exchange for social attention from some meaningless slobs in our school, then by all means she can go right ahead. But I will still voice my opinion (the always right opinion) and say that she is making an ass of herself.

The fact is that I should have seen this coming, and it annoys me how disappointed I am for that very reason. I mean, Trish has always been much rougher around the edges than I am. She is a partier, not to mention a boose hound and even more sexually promiscuous than I am (and thats a fricken lot). In comparison i am fabulously socially refined and practically as flawless as a gem when it comes to mannerisms. But what the hell can I say, not everybody can be as good as me or Charlotte, Karen, Susan, etc. So why must I complain? Because of how much it pisses me off when people dont notice that they are abandoning their
class.

So, where does that leave Trish as far as the social status quo hierarchy goes? Well, lets just say shes not completely deteriorated into the zero class category, but her class has diminished disgustingly. In comparison to Charlotte or me (the standards of exceptional classiness) she is pitiful.

Why I love Gretchen (in spite of obvious flaws)

Gretchen is just the type of person that is loaded with flaws, but is so carefree and hilarious that it makes you forget about every single one. When she makes poor decisions (quite often, but negligible because she is affiliated with me) it shocks you and you feel fed up with her mentality. Then all of a sudden you remember why you love her because of how simply fabulous she is. Every time I speak with her it proves to me that someone can be a flawed basket case and at the same time be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Not to say that I don't have flaws along with Gretchen, but our flaws are part of what makes us better than everybody else (even though she refuses to admit it; only Charlotte will). Gretchen really is part of the top tier as far as personality goes, it just depends on your perspective. Let me just take one minute to make this all clear; the things my friends and I consider "flaws" aren't really important to average people, but thats only because they are so saturated with nasty flaws that they have no time to focus on the details. Basically, the fact that Gretchen is even up to my standards means that in the eyes of the commoner, she is a shimmering example of perfection.

The reason I brought this up, in case you didn't know, is because we obviously had a sexy and steamy conversation. It was about our past lovers (and present). Despite the fact that I had to sacrifice some of my naughty little secrets in order to get her in the mood to discuss, it was SO worth it. Her stories take me back to when I was innocent (and yes, there was such a time. Actually not really, I was born kinky and sexy, so lets just say back when I was as close to innocent as I have ever been). Of course, there are all the enjoyments of the first kinky moves and when you decide you are ready for the next step, it is all so charming to replay in my head. Of course I offered her some advice about her situation (which is relatively good, I just dont want anything to be thrown at her that she's not ready for). We went on to exchange all the latest gossip, (my major concern being Charlotte's love situation, but Gretchen was not interested).

Sexy conversations really bring out the best in most of my friends, but if they didnt, then they wouldnt be my friends so it makes a lot of sense from that perspective. I choose the friends that i do because only fabulous and fabulous go together perfectly, and we are all distinctly more fabulous than everybody else. That is just simple and factual; it cannot be argued against.

The fabulous

-Mr Bitch

Priorities and Charlotte

Charlotte is not really one that I would criticize, mainly because it is just like criticizing myself which would just be absolutely retarded. Although, when some people don't know her as well as her closest friends (me being one of the closest friends, naturally), they tend to skew and misconceive her personality. She comes off as a socially distant asshole quite often when I walk up to her expecting to enjoy a casual, sexy conversation and instead she bitches to me and acts like she does not have enough spare time to waste it on me.

First of all, what she really does not realize is the fact that there is ALWAYS time to spend on me, and that is just a fact. Second of all, to people other than me, it seems as though her personality and outlook is always in this bitchy tone. The thing is, it really is not, Charlotte just has to be in the right mood to show her true kinky colors. I know this because I am exactly the same way. It really sucks when other people just assume someone is not fabulous because you happen to catch them at a bad time. None the less, she does piss me off when she is not in the mood to talk to me (quite often in school).

I try to remember that I am the type of person that somebody has to be in the mood to deal with. I think its just because of how lively, critical and kinky I am which does make me a simply wonderful person, only it has to be in the right doses otherwise I am overwhelming. I think that is how Charlotte feels, at least, and I could be wrong but I'm usually not. Charlotte just has priorities and enjoys focusing on whatever is at the top of her mind. Once a task is finished, she picks up another one. This can mean talking to people one at a time having in depth conversations or just doing homework from different classes, it applies to everything. I think she doesn't want to have too much on her plate at once, which is reasonable I guess. I'm just the type of person who likes packing as much fabulousness on to my plate of life as possible so its difficult for me to understand.

There is also the factor of Charlotte's latest crush, who happens to be morbidly hideous. I have told her what I think of him (just in a nicer way than how I just described him). He is greasy land does not have ANY personality or sense of humor to speak of which basically makes him a lifeless pile of poop in my eyes. None the less, Charlotte has become attached to him, and who am I to say no? I'll deal with it for now and hope she gets over it soon. I just want to be a part of her life as much as possible and this new lover is stealing my piece of the pie. Let me tell you something, nobody takes Mr Bitch's pie and lives to tell the tale.

I saw Charlotte and her lover dancing at a party tonight (if you call what they were doing 'dancing'). So I walk in into the party while they are dancing and Charlotte acts as though I don't even exist despite the fact that I waved at her. She just went on dancing back and forth, lost in some sort of orgasmic bliss with her new lover. They were really just swaying back and forth, as if the guy was trying to grind with her but he was too absolutely moronic to know how to do it properly. It just ended up looking like a pretty girl was dancing with a guy who had down's syndrome and was drooling on himself while he wiggled around like an epileptic person having a seizure. This is just an example of how she ignores me sometimes, and it really makes me fume with anger. I can't even control it. I think I am too overprotective of her and just want to know how she is doing an talk to her all the time. That would explain why I hate her loving this new disgusting guy. But I cant really help being overprotective cause me and her are the best together and I want to preserve that.

Me and Suzan have had conversations about Charlottes lovers many times. Charlotte really does have strange taste in men, unfortunatley. The thing is, so do I but I'm not writing this to be critical of myself so I won't get into that for now. Thank god I have Suzan to discuss Charlottes faults, because usually its me and Charlotte discussing other peoples faults. But when Charlotte is the one at fault, who am I to go to? Thats why Suzan is so important (well there are millions of other reasons why but this is one of them). Let me just say that Charlotte is more or less just as flawless as I am, its just the prioritizing that angers my need for constant attention from her. But if she has more important things than me in her life at some of the moments I come up to talk to her, I understand. I'm pretty sure I would love Charlotte no matter what she did (because she is so similar to me that I don't have to worry about her doing something to sacrifice her fabulousness)

Susan just always has time and won't leave you pissed off by acting as though you are inferior to her plans like Charlotte does sometimes, and thats part of her wonderfulness. I suppose we all have that one person who will be understanding of our disgust with other peoples behavior, thank god we all have someone to bitch with, and if you dont then you should probably kill yourself or something cause life wont be very worth living. Whatever, we all have our priorities and Charlotte is not any different.

The simply lovely

-Mr Bitch

Classiness rebounds, but for how long?

I'm not going to assume that the classiness deficit has been recovered, but I have encountered some significant progress. I looked around today, shocked at how dramatically different some of my friends presented themselves. Trish actually chose not to be an ignorant ass for the first time in the entire week, a quantum leap from where she was at on Monday. Gretchen dressed very well, and that is not to say that she usually lacks the capability to dress well, but every once in a while she throws in some hideous rogue outfit that corrupts any chance at a stylish image. Unfortunately, there is not much I can conclude from this sudden uprising of class, except for that Trish and Gretchen need to be more consistent in the way they act and portray themselves.

Trish is the one that still concerns me, but I am still convinced that once I get the chance to sit her down and have her lay all the gossip on me, everything will be worked out and understood. Emma and Ms Bitch have both shared my opinions in Trish's choice of actions and recent gossipy behavior. Hopefully this is a phase, it is so difficult to understand how some people just let their reputation go up in flames without a second thought. Trish came up and actually chatted with me for a brief period, acting like her normal self (shocking to me). She has been having some encounters with men (kinky or not kinky, I don't know) and I think it will wear off. I love Trish and don't want to loose her to some nasty guy that she is crushing on (I won't name names until I have more info). So here's to Trish regaining classiness AND maintaining it for once in her life.

I spent the whole evening with Emma, which was immensely comforting. There is nobody else like her. She is so totally unbiased and wholesome that it makes me feel impure and devilish in comparison (well i'm not exactly an angel anyway, unless it's a kinky angel). She helps me reason with the many social conflicts occurring in my life (which are caused by other people slacking off in the fabulous department rather than me). Its just nice to laugh like a bitch and not have to worry or stress about how ignorant some people can be and only Emma can get me in that sort of mood.

The gorgeous

-Mr Bitch

Somebody tell me if they find where all the classiness has gone...

A person's class is definitely the most vulnerable aspect of their personality. Lately (and unfortunately) I have been noticing how quickly it can deteriorate in some of my friends. Of course, I have to bitch about Trish first since she seems to have come down with the worst case of classiness deterioration that I have ever seen. Even Ms Bitch agrees with me and she is usually much more conservative in making assumptions than I am. I would still like to think that it is not happening to Trish. But if Ms Bitch notices, then it is not just me. Trish seems to live off of being the center of attention; absolutely not classy. Thank god there are people like me and the friends that I have (well the ones that I know won't let themselves become nasty) that are willing to preserve their classiness. I'm hoping that Trish's latest conquest for attention will be short lived, so I'll go forth with that mentality for another week and if she doesn't change by then, then I'll have to intervene. It will not be pretty if I have to stop her from this socially careless behavior, how humiliating on her behalf.

Gretchen is a whole other story, I could literally go on for hours, but nobody wants to hear that much about her. Let me just remind you that I love her and that she is one of my best friends, but its just bullshit if anyone is going to pretend that their is absolutely nothing about their friends that annoys them. Gretchen has taken a recent plunge into the realm of fashion disaster, I really wish I could tell people she was color blind or something to compensate for her taste in clothing. Today she was dressed in red and yellow, which is fabulous if you work at McDonald's, but not if you actually have a social life. The whole fashion thing is beyond me, plus me and Charlotte enjoy critiquing her terrible taste so I might as well not attempt to change it. You can't really 'change' somebody's taste anyway, its a sort of concrete asset, which can be fortunate for some and horrific for others.

The real problem with Gretchen is her 'significant other'. Actually, calling him significant is an extreme overstatement. He is about four feet tall and three feet wide. Like a little muscular munchkin who hit puberty at birth; nasty. Every time you see him it makes you picture him with green hair and orange skin hopping around in munchkin land. The best example of his personality I can give is that he is basically a giant erect penis looking for something to rub itself up against for pleasure. There is nothing I will love more than the day I see them break up, which is technically horrible since Gretchen will probably be upset, but I wont be able to contain the look of joy that will beam from my face. Its not like i'll be happy that she is upset anyway, just that the huge douche is out of her life. Most people have some sort of potential to be classy or have taste, he is none of the above. Basically a lost cause and just nasty, he looks like a giant steroid with freckles.

Thank god I have Charlotte to think of whenever I question whether or not the world has run out of classiness. If she were not around then it would only be me with classiness and nobody to share it with since no one would be able to understand how wonderful I am. Sometimes its hard to be fabulous and watch other people suffer a lack of such. (which almost everybody lacks somewhat but me and Charlotte)

The one and only (lovely)

-Mr Bitch

The Friends of Mr Bitch

These are my closest friends (at my high school). It is a very selective and exclusive club to belong to. To be added to it is the highest honor someone can receive from me. Every individual on the list must meet numerous extensive requirements in order to be included. Mainly, they have to be unquestionably fabulous and worthy of my presence in their lives.


1.) Charlotte: My Clone; Kinky and scandalous yet innocent (well maybe not so much my clone on the innocent part). Keep in mind that when I say 'innocent' it really means that she is a 'kinky sex fiend' to normal people. We are so similar that we fight incessantly. She can be obnoxious, although so can I and we tend to clash unless we are both in a good mood. Our favorite thing to do is enjoy a nice conversation about how and why we are better than most people. The amusing thing is, we really are and we can't even help it, its just fact. She has been the subject of rumors and retarded conversations which I always have to step in and correct, because some people just run their mouths regardless of the shit flowing out of them.We both get annoyed REALLY easily (well, perhaps her more than me). She upsets me sometimes without realizing it (well perhaps we upset each other but I havn't heard from her about that). She tends to neglect the fact that I require lots of maintenance and delicate care as a friend. One thing I really can't go without mentioning is the fact that we have amazing, heart stopping thighs and gorgeous hineys.Emma: Very innocent. Our personalities don't necessarily complement eachother, but we are different in all the right places. Her modesty and my audacity mingle well together, leading to enjoyable laughs and some slightly awkward moments. She always acts fun and caring no matter what mood she might be in. Nothing brings her down and I love her for it.

2.) Gretchen: Used to be innocent until recently. With horrible taste, but I love her. Our boisterous behavior and outlandish shopping sprees bring us together. Lately we have been growing apart due to some, umm, rather poor decisions on her part, but thats a matter of taste. Me and Charlotte tend to agree on her many faults, but those are what we love her for. I think me and Charlotte need someone to balance our perfection with imperfection which is what makes us love her so much. She is layed back and hilarious. Lately, I have been questioning her judgment in men AND her ability to put prioritize her friends.

3.) Karen: A lethal concoction of childish and kinky personas. VERY innocent, yet comprehensively horny in conversation. She can be childish at times, but whenever she is; its hilarious and I love it. Ask almost anyone that doesn't know her well and they will say that she is a repulsive, obnoxious ass, but the opposite is true once you get below the surface. At first we were friends by association, I even disliked her at first. However, those feelings quickly deminished and we are now amazing together. She HATES my lack of modesty with an exponential passion, but I think its because she knows that, in reality, I have nothing to be modest about and she doesnt like it. I find her increasingly fabulous to spend time with and i don't know why, probably because Ive forgotten the childish kinkiness that I once had and she gives me big sexy helpings of it all the time.

4.) Ms. Bitch: My hoe, we are both chauvinistic assholes but that is part of what makes us so damn alluring. We are both eachothers bitches and we treat eachother as such. It's been a never ending ride of amazingness and good taste for me and Mrs Bitch. We do dissagree, but usually only on meaningless matters. Overall, me and her together are the best thing since sliced bread.

5.) Susan: Probably my best friend in school and social love-making partner. She won't admit it but there is no way that she could ever live without me and how the hell can I blame her? We are the ultimate duo. So scandalous and sexy together that it would be difficult for someone to fathom how fabulous we are. We have similar ideals and respectable boundaries. She is not necessarily the most classy person I know; that would be Charlotte (since Charlotte is basically me with boobies), but we complement each other to a point of perfection with our opposite viewpoints on certain topics. I have the ability to read her like a book, despite her claims that I can't. She is neither innocent or kinky, but she does balance the two more perfectly than anyone I know. Let me tell you, she gets around, despite the common assumption that she is totally innocent. I envy this, because I am usually either in a kinky or bland/innocent mood, but can't mold them together.

6.) Trish: My first friend in the high school that I currently attend. She is by far the most gossipy friend I have. Contrary to popular belief, she is not just some hyper gossiping slut; she has excellent taste in most things. She is a little bit too much of a socialite for my taste at times, but still acceptably classy. We really bond when it comes to discussing our scandalous nature. We are both straight forward and don't hold ourselves back when it comes to discussing even the naughtiest thoughts. Trish brings out the carefree extreme lovehound that usually lies dormant within me.

7.) Violet: A slut; hands down. It is sad and i don't take pleasure in saying it. However, most, if not all would agree with me. She has a totally trashed social reputation, on her own behalf. My respect for her dignity and opinions is absolutely zero. She thoughtlessly sleeps with men and projects a 'dumb slut' mentality, when she is actually fairly smart. I think that she has squandered potential intellect and respect. We are friends by association, but I do enjoy making casual conversation with her, but I fear that if I get into kinky conversation territory, she will just mention something nasty about her vagina hurting during sex and make me want to vomit. She is nice and simple, I love her kindness, but its upsetting to see someone so lacking in the classy and moral department.

8.) Mrs Sweetcheeks: She won't be the topic of conversation too often, (who the hell am I kidding, she probably will be) but I have to mention her because she THE most fabulous adult I have met. She means far more to me than she knows and she loves me because of how wonderful I am. It isn't really her choice of whether or not she wants to love me, since she is so smitten with my fabulousness that she couldnt give me up even if she wanted too. This is ok, since I think she is equally classy and lovely, (lets just say we are both the greatest people ever) She tends to be far more modest than I am, but my outlandish arrogance is just so wonderful that it doesnt matter.

Let The Games Begin...

Hello bitches and greetings from Ms Bitch

As you may have guessed i am the other half of the bitch duo. Although the overly eccentric Mr Bitch is quite the harsh, classy and fabulous individual, I am just as harsh and classy. Yes i will do some hardcore gossiping and judgements in my moments of rage, but after an exhausting day i am feeling peaceful and chill.

But i do have a few things to vent about. That incoherent and irresponsible teacher Mr Bitch mentioned earlier needs a serious reality check. I cannot even begin to explain her unintelligent and unorganized way of life. It makes me sick to even be in her presence.

For now, that is all i have to say. Expect to hear much more from me when i am less tired and have more time. hah like that will ever happen.

Peace out beautifuls,

- Ms Bitch

The Beginning; Meaningless Endeavors, A Spiteful Bitch and Strange Attraction

Certain ways that people react to rumors simply stuns me. In this situation it just happened to be my lovely friend Trish, who happens to be really fabulous, unfortunately she occasionally gives off the impression that she is a ditzy slut. She runs around frantically engaging in conversation; devouring the latest gossip as if it is providing her with oxygen. Being the more subdued, casual listener that I am, I like to keep things classy. However, I'm hesitant to warn her of her random dissents into sluttiness since we have been so close and we simply look good together

I whish Trish hadn't plowed into my lunch table, interrupting regular conversation as though she is about to warn us that the world is ending. Expecting that there is some juicy, worthwhile gossip at hand, I inched closer to hear what she was mindlessly bitching about. It happened to be no more than some outlandish rumors that were circulating about how she had gotten frisky with some men. Although I was outraged by her over reaction, I kept my composure as usual. Trish needs to be redirected from making an ass of herself in public. I don't want to be the one to tell her what a bitch she is making herself look like, but its painful for someone like me to observe a seemingly mindless individual making an ass of themselves.

On the other hand, I have the people who are just straight out assholes. Mrs. Prick, who is one of my teachers, happens to top them all. She is highly regarded as a rather worthless piece of shit lacking a soul. It's simpler to describe her by saying that she is just as hideous as her personality. I think that certain teachers, such as her, really have nothing better to do than leech off of young students' souls since they really have no life of their own. Today she spitefully docked ten points from my personal essay because I took the advice of a different teacher for correcting it rather than her. Ugh, she is such a twisted douche, some people just make me want to vomit.

On a less disgusting note, I do have this friend, Karen, who I have been strangly attracted to for quite a while. Yet I can't quite place my finger on what makes her so intriguing to me. I don't necessarily mean that she is sexually attractive to me, but more socially attractive. She is not what I would consider anywhere near hideous, having just the right looks so that you could easily understand why someone might be attracted to her. Her body is free from major flaws, aside from a slight lack in the butt department. What intrigues me most about her is that she is absolutely childish, yet astoundingly serious about life, and knows how to balance the two aspects of her personality perfectly.

Most people would highly dissagree with my feelings for Karen because the general consensus is that she is an overall loud, obnoxious bitch. However, I am a bitch as well, just in a more refined and classy sense, so perhaps we are compatible in ways other people cannot recognize. I just figured I would mention this because most people don't realize that taste varies, and because somebody chooses to like a given person, it should not discredit their taste. (My taste is flawless and fabulous, so theres proof)

The always lovely,

-Mr Bitch

Welcome from the Bitches

We are couple of high school seniors, but not just your basic ordinary seniors. We know what it means to be classy and scandalous. Are our personalities any better than other seniors? Absofrickenloutly. We know what it means to be on top and glare down at the helpless creatures below us. Why did we set up this blog? Because bitching about life is lovely. We love to bitch, so come and bitch with us.

This blog will reflect our daily lives and our personal (sophisticated) views and encounters that take place on a daily basis.

I am Mr Bitch. Me and my longtime friend Ms Bitch are the two authors of this blog. We will each post separately or jointly depending on what we wish to discuss. We will commence posting on a regular basis starting tomorrow. We both extend a warm welcome to any readers and hope you enjoy a glimpse into what it is like in the lives of two lovely anonymous bitches.