A Useless (Yet Plentifully Sexy) Day

For some reason unknown to man our school district has decided not to give us two damn days off before Christmas eve which leaves us with a two day school week. Now, this may not be all that bad for the mindless drooling slobs that have no lives that go to my school (just picture every single other person aside from my friends) since they have nothing better to do with themselves then sit on their asses in school.

Not that I am saying school is bad, its just that there is no way in hell we are going to accomplish any constructive learning in these two days, the teachers don't even care enough to teach because its basically Christmas. Well, there is something sexy in this gigantic pile of poop situation that I am in; at least I get to brighten up my friends lives with fabulousness and gossip for an extra few days before the brake. Ahh gossiping is just so delicious, I can basically taste it on my tongue like a piece of thick rich chocolate.

So anyway, I socialized throughout most of my classes and free time of course since we didnt get any work. I mainly just harped on the fact that FRICKEN CHRISTMAS IS COMING, holy shit god it is going to be like one big orgasm (with thongs!!!!!!!). Tomorrow is going to be a great big sexy day since I get to deliver numerous gifts to a select few friends that I won't be seeing over the break. I am particularly excited to give Karen her kinky little thong since I know she will be the most enthusiastically horny over the whole ordeal.

Speaking of Karen, I noticed that she dressed quite well today (she usually doesnt dress badly, but her clothes just dont speak to me the way they should if they are extra sexy and delicately hand picked). Anyway, her boobs looked quite good and I was really ready to just blurt it out at the lunch table but the last time I did that she looked at me like I had a turd on my forehead. I dont know what I am going to do with Karen, she just doesnt know how to react to compliments from a man (which is no doubt a result of the fact that she never gets any). I really need to break her in (and no, not in the way that you are probably thinking, although in most other cases it would be what you are thinking) because she just needs to learn how to respond to sexy comments and tastes.

I still have to worry about wraping all these damn thongs. I gave Charlotte and Susan the big sexy bags since they got the most by far, and everyone else is just a toss up ugh, I dont like wrapping and I always forget that when I go on shopping sprees. All I think is "OMG look at all of these sexy thongs, I MUST HAVE THEM ALL!!!!!!" and then I buy all of them and think oh shit I cant just walk in the room swinging them around my head to give them to people. (although I wouldnt put it past myself to do something of that nature, because I TOTALLY would, and now that I think of it, I just might).

I just have to think of the perfect way to enter Mrs Sweetcheeks' house so that I can shock her with the perfect emotional mixture of splendor and discontent. It is really vital that I be very cautious because her x might be there and I dont want to prance in brandishing frilly thongs around him because hes a little old and might melt with horror or something. She can say what she likes but I know that Mrs Sweetcheeks is absolutely in LOVE with the idea of me hand selecting extra kinky underwear for Susan and Charlotte because who the hell could be better at doing that?

The day was pretty much as fabulous as a short day of school can get, but of course god or somebody didnt want me to be too happy, so as I was on my way out of the school, I saw Charlotte and Jeffery standing and talking to eachother as they stared into each others eyes as if they were both big thick pieces of ham that the other person wanted to feast upon. I wanted to go up and slap Jeffery's smile right off of his face, now that would have been a satisfying day, but for the sake of Charlotte, I refrained. GOD it made me SICK. But anyway, no day is perfect.

Oh Susan; You Naughty, Naughty Little Girl

As far as me and Susan go; despite the fact that she may like to think she is the less kinky one of the two of us, she is slightly mistaken. I know kinkiness when I see it, and Susan has tons of it smudged abundantly all over her face. This definitely isn't obvious to everyone else, but whenever I notice something that everyone else disagrees with, I am essentially always the right one.

Ok, so it might be true that Susan may have physically 'done' less kinky things than I have, but that does not mean that we can simply overlook her potential to commit kinky little deeds that I know she craves like strawberry cheesecake. One of the reasons that I know how truly kinky she is is because she is constantly accusing me of being a whore (which she assumes that I know is an exaggeration, and I do, but she still wants to get the point across that I am sluttier than she is). Which only shows her inner insecurity about how I have revealed my knowledge of her kinkiness.

Lets look at it this way because I have come up with a stunning analogy; think of a big chunky fat person that just walks around looking all chunky and stuff; it is pretty obvious to everyone that that person gorges themselves with food, right? Now think of a thin person, (I happen to be thinking of Jeffery because he is just basically a bony twig, but any thin person will do). No one would ever know if that thin person stuffed their face with food every night when they went home because they just happen to not have the big fat person gene. Me and Susan are EXACTLY the same, just replace the fat person with me and the thin person with Susan. Susan is just secretly kinky, and make no mistake my friends, there is no difference between secretive and open kinkiness because all they both come down to is KINKAY.

Please do not let that make anyone think that I am a big jiggly fat person and Susan is really skinny, it was only for the purpose of comparison. Ahh Susan, dont worry, your dirty little secret is safe with me. In fact, I take pride in my cunning and sexy capability of being able to read you like a book and you will always love me regardless. Oh Susan, you ferocious little sexwolf.

Catch 22?

I really don't know what to think and, quite frankly, that is shocking since I am ALWAYS decisive and prompt in my decisions. Jeffery is just such an obnoxious and exciting topic at the same time that it incapacitates my ability to sort out the two emotions and choose the dominant one.

Of course, we have been down this path many, many times before but I just can't seem to stress it enough to satisfy my ongoing discontent. First of all, lets cover how damn excited I get whenever Charlotte mentions getting kinky with Jeffery. I just get so overwhelmed with anticipation and sexiness that I get all excited for her because its as if Jeffery doesn't even exist; it is just the concept of Charlotte exploring her sexual instincts that is just fun to discuss. So I basically forget all about Jeffery and begin pouring my sexy ideas out all over Charlotte and help her plot her next move (let's just say i'm the best type of person to talk to about that sort of stuff in the whole freaking world because of my unparalleled expertise).

On the other hand, the second I see the bastard (Jeffery), my stomach turns over and I feel like vomiting. Just seeing him and Charlotte fills me with envy and an animalistic craving to destroy him. I'm just overprotective and there is no way anyone is going to stop me from feeling that way.

The real problem is, how do I balance the two emotions? Maybe if she could just be dating someone that I approve of (which is basically impossible because, in my opinion and probably the rest of the world for that matter, I am just the best person for Charlotte to be around. Or perhaps I could just deal with it (which is two demanding because I am not going to contain my fabulousness so that Charlotte can spend her time absorbing some social turd of a boyfriend). I don't know, I suppose I'll have to avoid seeing them together because other than that I get really excited for her. I have already established that some people get pissed at me when I speak illy of Jeffery. It is just too often that the two emotions clash, although, Charlotte seems to understand my emotional conflictions somewhat and therefore trys to ignore me when I insult Jeffery McTurdface. Thank god Charlotte understands me though, I mean, this is what I am always getting at when I describe how perfect me and Charlotte are together. Two fabulous people just understand one another and thats all that a sexy relationship comes down to. THANK GOD me and Charlotte are just the best.

Alright, I will try to make this the last post I leave on this topic. It just overwhelms me all the time and I find myself regurgitating it all the time. Particularly when I am really bored and decide to take time to reflect on the things that irritate me in my life (and believe me, there is NEVER a shortage of things that irritate me, because when you are perfect and everything else isnt, it just gets tiring doing all the criticizing) So tata for now.

The one and only pile of sexiness,

-Mr Bitch

Sexiness Summed up

Ok so its been a while since ive been inspired to write about my orgasmic life, (I can't be blamed, Ive been pooping my pants for the past month waiting for college admission stuff, well, not literally, that would be nasty, plus we all know im to good to partake in such foul activities.) So now comes the short, sweet and utterly drool worthy orgasmic sum up of my life for the past month.

So lets see, Trish isn't as hoplessly classless as I was prepared to think she was. Of course, I wouldnt have been friends of her if there wasnt at least a bulk of classiness left within her somewhere. So anyway, she has proved to me that she can rehabilitate her classiness since I went shopping with her on black friday which was just so simply orgasmic that I cant even begin to convey how orgasmic it was because I will just start orgasming while I try to do it.

CHRISTMAS!!!!! I fricken love christmas, I get to buy so many sexy things and get so many sexy things that it is just like one big pile of sexy that you can't not love. I was listening to chrismas music back in October much to Susan's dismay but whatever, she just doesnt know how to get into the holiday spirit a little early. I bought LOTS of thongs and I am dividing them up according to the strength of my friendship with all of my classy friends. Susan and Charlotte get the most, (and they are EXTRA kinky looking this year) then comes Trish who got the more expensive but a little bit more whorey thong, after that is Gretchen who gets the whoreiest thong on the planet since she has gotten extra frisky with her boyfriend (who I know accept as an affiliate of mine since he passed the test of at least acting as though he can meet my standards when in my presence). Then comes Karen, who gets a somewhat innocent thong (keep in mind that when I say innocent it means ultra kinky by any common person's standards) and it matches one that Susan is going to get!!! OH I am so clever i dont know what to do with myself sometimes....Oh and, by the way, its just a given that Ms. Bitch gets her own thong, which I carefully hand selected to balance class and kinkyness.

Now that ive gotten at least some of the Christmasgasm out of me, lets move on to Gretchen whom has partaken in some VERY serious sexual relations lately. I dont really know how to respond to her rapid uptake of sexual kinkiness. I'm not one to critisize, actually I am because I can always find a way to argue that Im better, except for with Charlotte since we are both eachothers other half. But anyway its not like ive never been kinky so I dont want to step in and tell her to back off but she has gotten a little crazy lately. She should at least keep it the hell under control in public, no one wants to see people cupping eachothers saggy asses in public god ugh that just pisses me off.

As far as Charlottes lover goes, well lets just say I dont loathe the douche bag as much as I used to but he still acts like a social turd whenever I try and talk to him. I think its because Charlotte has told him about me and whenever he sees me he is thinking "omg there he is, the one and only epitome of shimmering class, I dont know what to say because im just feeling so unworthy so i'll just say nothing" So i guess ive cooled of quite a bit, but I still think that i am just way above his level and that Charlotte could do astronomically better than him, but if she's happy then so am I. Personally I just fume every damn time she starts talking about how wonderful he is because I am the man in her life and I am not willing to make room for others to take a piece of my Charlotte cake. But I would never like want them to break up because I would NEVER do anything to hurt Charlotte, her happiness is everything.

Mrs Sweetcheeks generally doesnt approve of my thong purchasing extravoganza, but thats ok because I know the only reason that she is telling me that she doesnt approve is because she is an adult and she is obligated to do so even though she is really thinking "oh my god, he is just the best person ever and i love him and everything he does and buys" We will see how she reacts when i stroll into the house with hefty bags filled to the brim with sexy thongs on christmas, I'm guessing she'll just give in and tell me how much she loves me.

So that is essentially a briefing of what has happened most recently, I will have more soon because once I get back to posting on a regular basis I will be able to indulge in all of the extra sexy details of my life which are just so good that they are like chocolate for your eyes.